Day 70: Race Results (5 Miles in 58:19)

Today's my 39th Birthday and I just ran my first official timed NYRR race, the 5 mile Fred Lebow Classic in Central Park. It's the first NYRR race of 2010, and so there was a great turnout in spite of the 25 degree weather! (But it was sunny! Not too terrible.)

My goal had just been to finish it. I've had such a lackluster week of training due to sickness and apathy. Changing my schedule and giving myself more days off, as Gordon instructs, has been really hard for me... I like keeping my eye on the ball obsessively. On and off, on and off, and I tend to lose momentum and interest. This is something I'd like to work on in every area of my life, so it's an added incentive for me to master it through running. Right now, though, it sucks! I've been anxious all week about running, what to wear, the weather, and mumbling unsupportive words to myself.

My friend Jolynn had signed up for the race in solidarity, and she also wanted to get back into the sport after having had a less than pleasant experience with last June's Half Marathon in sweltering New York City. Jolynn and I wouldn't be starting from the same corral since she's in top physical condition and targets an 8 minute mile; but just seeing each other at the start, knowing she was along the route, and then seeing her and her boyfriend Rob cheering me on from the sidelines as I approached the finish - it meant so much more to me than I could have imagined! I tend to do life... things... especially hard things, by myself. I don't want anyone seeing me struggle. I know I can't go on this way so I'm opening the kimono! Jolynn and Rob were amazing.

At five minutes to 8am, we were hustled into our corrals which had been ordered by pace. I was in the last corral, which was fine with me! I looked around and saw mostly fit people, a few people wearing jackets that said "mentor" on them, and quite a bit of incorrect clothing! The first thing you learn about running in the cold (or doing any sport in the cold) is "COTTON KILLS!" There were tons of people wearing cotton... multiple layers of cotton. Oh boy. I was bouncing up and down to keep warm, and because I had so much energy!

The first mile was emotionally brutal in a way I hadn't expected. I wanted to run faster than the crowd would let me! They were a soupy mob! Move, move! Then at about the half-mile mark when a few of the seriously remedial people had fallen back a bit, I suddenly got tired. My stomach was churning the bit of toasted wheat bagel and natural peanut butter I'd downed an hour and a half prior. I almost always run on coffee and an otherwise empty stomach and food did not feel good... Nausea, peanut butter and still an hour to go, was all I could think of.

When I hit mile 2, I felt encouraged because my pace was steady, and even though I felt highly unmotivated, I was physically fine. I took water from a station but it was frozen. I advanced my music to a better song. I tried not to wonder who all these people now suddenly passing me were... Late starters? I attempted to get into the zone...

Around mile 3, I had picked a few fellow runners to pace myself with - a girl accompanied by two trainers, and a heavyset girl who had terrible form but was pushing along admirably. I wanted to quit. I looked at people playing with their dogs along the side of the trail and longed to be with them, tossing a stick. I passed the Park exit closest to my apartment and almost veered off... Then I realized I'd soon be coming up on my beloved Stretching Bridge! Suddenly I felt motivated! I'd run to the Bridge and then walk a little...

I stopped and walked a number of times along the route and by far the worst moments of the race were when I had to get running again. The amount of energy (emotional and physical) required to "push off" was so totally not worth whatever break the walk might have afforded. I only walked up hills; I'm terrible at hills. And I only walked when I felt myself starting to huff.

At the turn of the last mile, when I saw the clock, the time shocked me. I might actually make it in under an hour! There were people lining the route with signs. One guy yelled directly at me, "Most people are still in bed right now. You are doing it!" I took that to heart and let it inspire me. I thought of picking up my pace exponentially but didn't want to burn myself out prematurely and have to walk across the Finish Line in front of my friends! When I finally did see the Finish Line in sight, I booked! And that felt amazing! I was instantly sorry I hadn't started running faster sooner. It's so much easier to run fast than it is to run slow. I don't know how that can be, but it's true.

Rob and Jolynn came to get me and they were cheering and telling me I did it in under an hour, and I was freaking out! I thought of my now super Marathon running, Triathlon finishing, Iron Man training friend Melissa who said she cried after her first 5 mile race as I myself felt tears coming; but they didn't actually come because my face was frozen! Not only couldn't I cry, but for the first time in my entire life I think, I couldn't talk! My mouth was so frozen cold, I literally couldn't say anything! I thought I might throw up for a second (yes, thanks Rob for capturing that moment on film... awesome) but then I didn't. After about 2 minutes I felt better than I think I've ever felt in my life! Running is for me. I can do this! It was easier than I thought it would be, I wasn't even tired, and nothing hurt. Yes, I hated it while I was on there - but the experience of getting through that and finishing, and being fine - I can't quite put that into words yet. It is other-worldly.

We all hung out for a little while after the race, drinking coffee and talking about running and life. I ran back home after that, checked my time online (I ran an 11:39 mile, which is my fastest "long distance" pace ever!), drank a sports drink, and went straight to the gym and ran two more miles at a pace of 11:06. (Oh dear, I must sound insane right now.) I was just so filled with adrenaline! I also missed a mile during my workout on Thursday, and was supposed to run 6 miles today (not 5) according to the schedule, so I wanted to stay on track. After the extra run, I stretched, drank water, ate a banana, and sat down to write.

I am having the most perfect birthday, ever! Hello, endorphins! Nice to finally meet you...