159: Day of Rest

Travel day. No running. Missed it.

160: 5 Miles in Jiutepec

Hit the gym and ran 5 miles. Noble of me considering how I might otherwise have spent an hour of my precious holiday time. But the truth is, I was itching for a run. I'd actually put my shoes on twice before at the resort, but the heaviness on my feet compared to flip flops... the weight of dark technical fibers compared to white cotton... was pretty discouraging.

I had to smile at the gym when the woman on the treadmill next to me was wearing an outfit similar to mine, same exact Gel Nimbus Asics, and same exact orange iPod. She was Mexican but obviously of European lineage, probably similar to mine; even beyond the accessories, we sort of looked alike - same body type, same hair color, same face.

The man on the other side of me ran 3 miles and looked like he might have a heart attack as he stepped off the treadmill. I had fantasies of administering an aspirin and saving the day, and posting "...saved a man's life today!" on my facebook page. Red flag: Apparently, I like drama! Anyway, he was fine and he smiled broadly at me for continuing on as long as I did. It was HOT! I've never ever been more drenched in sweat than I was during this run. No idea what the temperature was but... not refreshing!

161: Day of Rest

Oh yeah... total relaxation day. Massage, meditation, just totally blissed out. Peace.

162: Day of Rest

Travel day. Going from Mexico City to Jiutepec by car. No running for me but I watched lots of people run like mad. 30,000 school teachers decided to march in protest along the main throughfare I was taking to get out of town. My taxi got stopped just 3 cars in from the front of the "parade." At first it seemed quite peaceful, but then for seemingly no reason, panic would hit the crowd and 100s of people would swarm in one direction, like a school of fish. At one point they surrounded our car and, ballsy as I am, I'd be lying if said I wasn't terrified for my own safety. My driver at this point was not armed so all anyone had to do was break a window and this gringa could have been down for the count.

163: Day of Rest

I've now missed 13 miles of running this week! I suppose I should focus on the positive - that I managed 3 miles - but 13 feels impossible to make up when I've got all kinds of new miles scheduled for the weekend.

Basically, my Marathon training schedule is too intense for me. And it doesn't know that I just ran a half, or that I travel for work. What to do? I really don't know. My Month of May burnout is over and now I really want to run... I even want to write again... but the bar is so high I'm not sure I can jump back in and land on my feet. I'll have some time to consider this - and RUN, MICHELLE, RUN, over the next few days...

164: Siesta (Sort of...)

Today's a day of rest. Not by choice but because work started at 7AM and will run well into the night. When you're traveling by yourself you can carve out an hour someplace to get your run in, but when you're with a big group, it can be impossible. We had a 2 hour break scheduled in the afternoon when I might have hit the treadmill in our super swank hotel in Mexico City, but at the last minute a meeting was called in the courtyard at which I'd be presenting so... there went that sub-plan. It's OK. Such is life. I'll make some of the miles up over the weekend. Or not. We shall see.

165: Cruising in Veracruz

Hola from Coatepec in the Mexican state of Veracruz. I ran 3 miles this morning, two on the streets and one by lapping the town square. By my 4th lap of the square, I started reaching out to high-five the shoe shine guys standing around waiting for morning clientele. I'm really starting to discover the power of the high-five this year.

Two colleagues who are with me also ran in the morning, same route, minus the square. It's HOT and super humid here so I'm thinking we're all pretty much rockstars for getting out of bed and rallying. :) Anyway, a great way to start what will surely be one of the great work experiences of my life... I do love my job.

166: 3,500 Mile Stretch

I'm on a business trip in rural Mexico and had to travel 3,500 miles today. The whole journey took 14 hours, most of which I spent sitting. I'm still recovering from the half and while thankfully most of my soreness is gone, I feel an almost irresistible urge to stretch and be stretched today. I actually spent a good portion of one flight sitting on folded knees in my business class seat, standing in the aisle bent over, squatting and twisting about. It felt so good I didn't care what people thought! Money buys you permission to be a little eccentric. Or at least that's what I tell myself.

I've been eating very light today but am off to a heavy Mexican dinner. I'm going to try to drink a liter of water before bed, and then go to sleep as quickly as possible when dinner is over. I am in desperate need of rest for these hard working muscles and bones of mine. Buenas noches, amigos.

167: Day of Stiffness!

Slow recovery from yesterday's Half Marathon. Still very stiff. I finally took some Advil. The blisters on my feet don't hurt any more but they're bloated and annoying. And I'm tired. Exhausted. I tried to walk around as much as possible today and stand (versus sit) to keep the humors moving... and by 4pm I was zapped. Had to keep going though and now, 8PM, I'm beyond...

But my mood is wonderful, and I'm feeling really excited about training for the Marathon again. I'd kind of lost a little bit of my enthusiasm. Not 100% sure why - probably a combination of factors. But I feel focused right now. Determined, if in a less dogged way, and more from a place of confidence and desire. That feels really good.

168: Brooklyn Half Marathon - New PR (2:35:41/11:53) pace

169: Day of Rest

170: Day of Rest

Starting to carbo-load for the Brooklyn Half Marathon on Saturday. Had salmon, corn and pretzels for dinner! Tomorrow morning I will be bagel bingeing. Not sure this does anything for me but it seemed to work last time so might as well stick with it!

171: Day of Rest

172: Day of Rest

173: 2M in the Morning

I took myself for a run this morning in Central Park. Nothing long, just wanted to limber up and come back after Saturday's race because I've been feeling pretty stiff.

The 2 miles was actually harder than I thought it would be. I'd given myself enough time for 4 but mid-loop darted back through Poet's Walk and cut it short. I'm roughly following the Nike+ Marathon training schedule still but since it doesn't know when I have a race, or a business trip, or when I just pain don't feel like running, there's always a degree of winging it. Last week I fell seriously short on mileage. That's unlikely this week since I have the Brooklyn Half Marathon on Saturday!

Anyway, I feel great right now that I have precious morning time post-run to organize and get ready for the day. I'm having more coffee and some protein recovery drink - though I hardly need that for 2 miles! I mean, I did break a sweat and everything but I'm sure I'm not electrolyte deprived! It makes for a quick, high protein, zero fat breakfast though so, why not?

174: Day of Rest

175: New PR! 10K in 1:09:50/11:15 Pace

What an amazing experience! I just ran my first 10K race ever and had a PR, of course, since you always have a PR when you do something for the first time! Oh, the joys of being a newbie...

Today was especially special because I was joined on the race course by two wonderful friends and familiar characters here, Sarah Hine and Melissa Schulz. Sarah is making the kind of progress every runner dreams of! She has got her groove back from a running practice she abandoned long ago... and she's surpassing her younger self! She inspires me. And Melissa is my running muse... She's so fast, and so diversified, and so Missy Magical!

Melissa actually met up with me at mile 5 of the 6.2M race (after she'd finished) and ran me in to the finish line. Now, when I say she ran me in, you need to understand that Melissa doesn't do anything quietly. I got the full Monty. She screamed my first name, my last name, pointed out unsavory husband candidates on the sidelines, challenged me to run faster than a pair of girls, told me when to slow down and when to speed up, and when to shut up! She told me I was fast. And that my form was surprisingly good. I run like a runner! Yes! With 100 meters to go, she dropped off to the sidelines while I pushed my speed and took it home to the sound of both Melissa and Sarah cheering from the sidelines!

This was my first time taking my earbuds out and running with another person. I couldn't have asked for a more over the top amazing experience! I'll never forget the feeling of being in step with someone who supports you so fully, and really wants the best for you - and is willing to try to find you, even exhausted after her own race - and run with you in her pink shirt, ponytail swaying, screaming basically anything at the top of her lungs that will keep you smiling and going! That's what I call an exceptional friend.

176: Day of Rest

177: Day of Rest

I've missed 10 miles of running this week due to exhaustion and over-scheduling. Not sure what the exhaustion is about. I got 7 hours of sleep last night. I should be bouncing off to the track.

I really hope I'm not coming down with something. Mono? A spring cold? An insidious case of laziness? Oh, I really hope it's not that...

Watch this space.

178: intenSati

Worked it hard tonight in ErinSati. One hour of giving it my all, going pro, and sweating through everything.

Short entry tonight. This is what I said I would do. Giving it a real try. But I miss writing every day. If nothing else, that's an interesting thing to find out.

179: Networking & Discounts

I have been invited to participate in a 10K training program sponsored by Runner's World. Unfortunately, the program meets on nights when I already have commitments, so I can't join. Very sad about that but decided to go to the kick-off meeting tonight anyway to meet the folks from Runner's World, see a friend I knew would be there, and check out the new Foot Locker RUN store in Union Square, where the meeting was held.

So, running is starting to get social... I met some great people from the magazine, as well as friends of my friend. The coaches leading the team spoke for a few minutes and I felt horrible pangs of regret that I wouldn't be training with them. They talked about analyzing our gait, strength training, mental preparation... All the stuff I need help with now. I would like to learn from them. I wonder if I should switch the rest of my life around.

Afterwards, my friend and I hung out nibbling on the fruit and veggie platter, talking about chafing, and shopping with the 25% discount the store gave us for the night. It's good to be on the inside; and it's good not to be doing this alone anymore. I'm ready to be with people. I honestly never thought I would say that.

No running today. Still tired from two days of long runs over the weekend. Lots of working out will be happening tomorrow! Then I must rest for my 10K race on Saturday.

180: Day of Rest

181: 8M in 1:36:38/12:05 Pace

My goal was to run at a 12:03 pace today, so I missed it by :02 seconds per mile, and :16 seconds total. I don't care much. I wasn't in great form out there. My hamstrings were stiff and hurt. It was unpleasantly windy at times.

To prepare for the race I have next weekend, I ran the loop clockwise, which is how the UAE Healthy Kidney 10K is configured. That made the hill to flat combinations totally different - and it felt somehow like there were more hills, though that's of course impossible! The Park path is a complete loop. Oh, brain, why are you such a frustrating muscle!

Countdown: 182 Days to Go

Pardon our appearance. Reconstruction is under way. This blog is getting a makeover. All past entries have been darkened for the moment so that they can be scrubbed, polished and given a fresh coat of paint. The first 6 months of Michelle Hates to Run will reopen for public viewing in summer 2010! Your patience is greatly appreciated.

Moving forward, I will post my runs and any training milestones daily. Longer posts will appear intermittently. Training for the Marathon has stepped up in a BIG way and there just isn't enough time to do it all. Something had to give.

There are 182 days left before the Marathon. Today I ran 6 miles in the Park in 1:11:27/11:42 Pace. I experimented with a new powdered drink mix during the run and a protein drink mix after. Kinda yucky but cheaper and more nutritionally relevant than the premixed stuff I was buying at Whole Foods. While I was very stiff during the run itself, I recovered quickly and can't wait to run again tomorrow - 8 miles, baby.

Day 188: Less is More

You are going to start to hear a lot less from me pretty soon. Less, but better quality, I hope. Same as what happened with running. I used to run nearly every day. Now I run 4 days a week max, usually less, plus cross-training.

I want the quality of my entries to improve dramatically. I'm considering just posting once a week from now on, perhaps on Sunday. I'll do less reporting and more storytelling, because who really cares how many gel packs I've downed, or what the weather's like in NY. Boring. Are you bored? I'm bored.

I need to create space in my life for thinking, drafting and sleeping. You deserve to read better and I am ready to try to give it to you.

Day 187: Speedy Rosenberg

My friend Josh Rosenberg has only been running for a few years, but he’s the fastest guy I know. He ran a 4M race at a 7:57 pace this year. When he posted that on fb, I thought it must be a typo! (Sorry Josh – but really?) Really.

What makes Josh’s story so interesting is that he started running, like I did, with a poor baseline fitness level. He says he’d get on the treadmill and run at 3.3 mph. (For perspective, I now power walk at 4.0 mph and start my running at a speed of 5.0 mph.) Today, Josh starts the treadmill at 6.9 mph and cranks it up from there. That’s an amazing transformation and, for me, so inspiring!

I struggle with speed. Mine’s improving, but so slowly. I like the idea of going faster on my short runs but feel like my strength lies in going the distance. I’ve got fortitude, endurance, and determination as core personality traits and I guess those transfer to running and help me “keep going.” Josh must have totally different core traits that support his explosive power because he hasn’t gotten into doing distances the way I have; the longest race he’s done to date was 10K.

Isn’t it interesting how running shows you who you are, and who you are not – at least not yet. I like to think about why people develop differently, and how running is an extension of that experience. Talking with role models like Josh gives me ideas about how I might work at growing beyond my natural inclinations. And Josh tells me he's thinking about doing some longer distances. There’s really no limit to the number of ways one can slice up this physical-cerebral experiment.

Day 186: Hermes Hates to Fly

This morning marked the TRUE halfway point of my journey. 185 days behind me and 185 days to go. Down from heaven, I think I heard a bell ring today; and now I've got one imaginary wing painted colorfully off the heel of my sandal! I hope it's safe to assume that if I go another 6 months they'll grant me a second wing. It's going to be awfully hard to "fly" with this lopsided look!

When I was very young, in Mr. Goldsholl's first and second grade classes, I was exposed to a tremendous amount of Greek and Roman Mythology. My favorite character was always Hermes (as the Greeks called him, or Mercury, to Romans). My little friend Sarah Watson and I once drew a picture of Hermes and I can still see it hanging up in her mother's kitchen, on a dark brown cork wall, for nearly a decade.

That time in my life was so rich and fanciful. I liked Hermes because he seemed to have a panoramic view of all the mishegoss going on in the labyrinths of his world. He got to stand back from it, process, and flow back and forth between the Earth and the heavens. Up in the sky, Medusa's snaky pate could not intimidate! But he also got to come down and live life with the people, when he wanted. He was a free agent.

I rather fancy myself a free agent, too, going between the normal world I used to live in, where people are grounded, and subjected to so many demons - and then the other world I'm discovering, through running, where wings grow on feet (albeit after a LOT of work) and things come into crystal clear perspective.

Hermes was the god of travellers, and a messenger between the other gods and mortal man. If he'd been a god in our time (which I guess he must be, as gods are immortal) then I'm guessing he'd have a blog. What better way to get the news out! Maybe: WingedFeet.blogspot.com? Or TheImmortalsWord.wordpress.com? I might just have to start looking for him! I could use a little bit of advice down from the heavens. What say you, Hermes?

Addendum: intenSati tonight. Week one of the Money series. New combinations, new affirmations, new people. I sweat through even inch of my clothes. It's like starting all over again every time. Love it!

Day 185: Blood, Sweat and Urine

Last week I went for what I thought would be a routine check-up with a new endocrinologist. The one I've gone to for 12 years doesn't take my new insurance and I finally decided she couldn't be the only good endo in NYC. My Hashimoto's medication ran out twice and the old endo obliged with a refill at first, but eventually said she couldn't responsibly give me more Synthroid without a blood test; fair enough. So, I had no choice but to find a replacement.

Looking for a new doctor produced one dead end after another. Referrals were hard to come by. Doctors didn't take my insurance. Practices were full. Finally I decided to let go of my obsession with finding "the best" and just give it up to the Universe. How good did my endo have to be? I mean, it's a blood test. The computer reads the results. I could treat myself if the state would let me.

When I was at the running doctor's office, I saw the card for an endo who'd already negged me months before based on my insurance. I decided to stop by the nice receptionist's desk on my way out and see if she had any suggestions. She gave me a main number for a totally inconvenient hospital where they had a bunch of endocrinologists on staff. "Someone there will take you. They have to." I had visions of waiting on a clinic line with Welfare mothers and elderly Medicaid patients. I needed the blood work done though, and I was too tired to go another route, so I called the line and let the operator assign me randomly to the doctor with the first appointment - 2 months later at 10am on a Friday. Smack dab in the middle of an important day but, "OK, Universe..."

The doctor I was randomly assigned to, as it turns out, is phenomenal. Not only did she spend more time with me than I think any doctor has before, demystifying the quirks of metabolism, but she is also one of the doctors for the NYC Marathon, and has many serious runners in her care. She just ran the NY Half Marathon herself, the one that I volunteered at in March; so, she gets it.

Within a few moments of our discussing my goals, she gave me the bad news. If weight loss was an objective, I'd have to put that off until after the Marathon. She explained that the amount of carbs and calories I'll need to consume to stay healthy while I train will far outweigh (no pun intended) the amount I need metabolically, so more than likely, I will gain weight over the next 6 months not lose it - even if I'm running for 42 miles a week.

The doctor asked me about 3 times if I was sure I wanted to do this... if I was sure I was prepared to choose Marathon training over weight loss, because with a low glycemic diet, she was pretty sure she could make me lose weight, barring any underlying metabolic issue we weren't aware of yet. I thought about it and said yes, I choose running.

The doctor said she wanted to run some tests on me to check my insulin, cortisol and ghrelin levels. I could have an adrenal or pituitary tumor that's been interfering with my wellness. She said she thought it was unlikely, but considering the way I reported eating, she had a mild concern. I thought of my friend having said to me just the night before, "You eat like a bird!" Sometimes I don't; but mostly, I do. It was important to check what was going on. This doctor was making my former doctor look like a real slacker; and I began to feel somewhat ashamed that I hadn't gone and insisted on all these tests myself sometime ago. I was always just so busy, and I felt fine, most of the time.

One of the tests would involve collecting my own urine for 24 hours. I was given a 3 Liter bright orange bio hazard jug with a handle and told to refrigerate the thing, and not miss a single pee! You can't cart the thing around with you so... that means staying close to home for a full day. Then I fasted for 12 hours for the blood tests and went to the lab this morning at 7AM for the 14 different blood test that were ordered.

When I arrived at Quest Labs on E. 57th Street, where I've been going every 3-4 months for the past 12 years for my little 2-second thyroid blood test, I signed in and met my phlebotomist who scanned the order. "This is a lot of blood!" she exclaimed, her eyes bugging out a little. "You might want to split this into 2 visits..." "No, let's just do it. I don't have time," I said back, irritated that we were running so many tests. Was this really necessary? Then I checked myself and felt grateful for the existence of tests. Hopefully, nothing wrong; but I would soon know and that was a little bit exciting. Information is good.

I've been known to pass out when giving large amounts of blood, so I asked for some ice to hold on my neck, which usually helps. They didn't have any, so we ran some water but it never got cold. I considered running out to buy a can of cold soda at a deli, but then my eye hit the bio hazard jug on the counter, still cold from having sat over night in my refrigerator. It was now wrapped in a plastic bag, and condensation was beginning to form on the plastic.

"You know what, I'll just hold my urine to my neck." I'm nothing if not practical

So there I sat hugging a cold orange jug of my own urine to my chest and neck, listening to the nice lady tell me about her new Cairn Terrier puppy as she drew vial after vial of blood. When she was done, I said thank you and left to get some breakfast across the street at a diner. I ordered my usual - an egg white omelet with veggies, toast and coffee. Two bites into the egg and I began to gag. Sometimes eggs make me gag but salt mitigates the problem. There wasn't any salt in reach on the counter, so I just ate the toast, and had them wrap the rest to go. Really, not the most fun morning so far.

I won't have the results of all these tests for 2 weeks. I'm not expecting anything major to be unearthed, but we shall see. In the meanwhile, I've got a lot to think about and research. And a lot of running to do. Four miles tonight, hopefully in the Park if it isn't too hot, dark or humid when I get home from work. I'm really excited to get back to my routine, which has me running 20 miles this week; back to volume. My new endocrinologist said that running for 30 minutes is the equivalent of taking 10 mg of an SSRI anti-depressant (something like Prozac), and it goes on from there - 1 hour is like taking 2, etc. (I love fun facts like this and my new doctor was full of them.) That means I'll be getting 40 doses of natural anti-depressant before Sunday evening! You are going to want to hang out with me!

I wonder what the results of the tests will be. For now, I'm just going to carry on as usual and enjoy my ignorant bliss x 40!

Addendum: I ran 4 miles in the Park tonight, beginning at 8:15PM. It rained for about 15 minutes of it. It was dark and a little scary, and I loved it. There were other people out there but sometimes I was completely alone. My iPod lost its charge after about 5 minutes so I had to run with my thoughts, the sound of my feet, the sound of the police cars circling. It was amazing.

Day 184: Periodically Speaking

When I worked in advertising, I read more than 30 magazines a month. Some titles I’d have sent to both my home and office, so I wouldn’t have to schlep them back and forth, and I’d never risk missing an issue. I thought nothing of this excessiveness because I would redistribute the books wherever I went, mailing them to my family, leaving them behind in the subway, or dropping them in the recycle bin at work even though everyone knows the office buildings in NYC don’t really recycle.

Then I left advertising and decided to take a break from print media for a while. I’d buy things off the newsstand of course, but the only magazine I got a proper subscription to was Psychology Today. An armchair psychologist needs her bible and this one is mine. I grew to really enjoy the simplicity of an uncluttered mailbox.

Ever since I’ve started running, however, magazines are back in force. It started with a second-hand copy of Runner’s World. A friend gave it to me back in December and I devoured it in a few hours on a cross-country flight. I immediately told my sister that I liked the magazine, hoping she’d take the hint and get me a subscription for my birthday. She did! I was so excited. I think I read the November and December issues about 4x each while I waited for the January issue to arrive in the mail!

Then I joined the NY Road Runners, and they sent me their Annual Marathon Recap, which is a thick publication listing every runner’s name and time, plus articles about the most recent race. I kept it even though I only know one person who ran in the 2009 Marathon. It seemed like something I should hold onto.

Then I signed up for the More and Fitness Half Marathon and a free subscription to one or the other was included in the entrance fee. I picked Fitness, but both started coming anyway in March. At an expo I picked up free copies of Muscle & Performance and Women’s Health magazines. In April I fanned my collection out across the ottoman in my sitting area. Trophies of an active life! Then the May issues arrived too and since I hadn’t read the April issues yet, I started stacking them. The Runner’s Worlds I’d stick in my handbag and carry around me with to read, but the others sat in waiting.

Tonight when I went to my mailbox, there was yet another publication that I didn’t order, New York Runner, a quarterly published by New York Road Runners. OK, stop the madness! There’s a backlog forming! I also have a novel to knock out for book club in a few weeks; I haven’t watched my Netflix in a month; and now I’ve got all this to churn though too? The pressure is too much! And I can't redistribute any of this stuff because I don't know anybody who would be interested in it.

The thing is, I want to read about my new lifestyle and learn; I really do! I want to read the articles and learn about, “Six Pack Secrets” and “9 Best Muscle Building Moves of All Time.” But isn’t that a bit premature? Where’s the article on “How to Hide Water Bottles Effectively in the Park” or “How to Look Your Best for the Finish Line Photo When You’ve Just Run 13.1 in Freezing Rain and Didn’t Carry a Hairbrush?” I’m just saying…

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the free magazines, or that I don’t hope to grow into their editorial sweet spot – but right now, I’m just a little bit intimidated knowing advertisers are targeting me for a lifestyle and accomplishments I haven’t yet achieved. Isn't that sort of deceptive? Headlines like, “5 of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Best Training Secrets?” Oh boy! I'm so not there yet!

For now I'm going to stick with my Runner's World, which gives me practical, relevant information, and Psychology Today, which boasts compelling headlines like, “The Worst Advice I Ever Got,” “5 Rules of Great Gossip,” “When Lust Goes Bust,” and “Caveman Cravings: The Allure of an Ancient Diet." See?! Now, there is an article that totally applies to my life! I'm always craving woolly mammoth short ribs after a big run. How ever did they know..?

It will be fun to check in again in 6 months and see how my editorial evolution may have progressed.

Day 183: When Carbon Kisses Pulp

I am pretty sure that the only reason I’ve made it this far through training is my custom-built paper training schedule. I’m a freak for checking the box. Don’t get me wrong, PDAs are nice and I’m a slave to mine, just like everybody else; but for feeling satisfied with a task completed, nothing in the world compares to that moment when carbon kisses pulp.

My Half Marathon schedule was quite rudimentary. Basically, a calendar by week, created in Excel, with the number of miles I was to run by day, with key milestones and business trips called out. Over the last three months, I jotted other bits of information down in the margins. Things like cross training activities, sickness, weight fluctuations, and notes about very hard or relatively easy runs – just so I’d remember when they happened and be able to notice if any patterns were forming. I put all three months on one page, so it was kind of tight.

I never did a mid-course upgrade to the schedule because I felt a sentimental attachment to it. The calendar itself hung on the inside door of my cabinet desk at home, except when I was traveling, and then I brought it with me in a plastic folder; and I always marked my miles down with the same mechanical pencil because I’m a little superstitious like that. I’ll probably continue to use the same pencil for the second half! It’s just a yellow mechanical pencil from a box; but, you know...

For my new Marathon training schedule, I’m putting two months on a page, and I’ve expanded the information I’m tracking greatly, though perhaps not even enough. I’m going to try to stay open to upgrading mid-way if I have to. There’s so much to aggregate now, so many things to do, so much time going to be put towards this goal; I may just need a better tool down the line.

It was such an overwhelming experience tonight to type in literally every day of the year for the next 6 months. This is a good exercise if you’ve never done it. It forces you to realize how many days you actually have...and ask yourself, is this a lot of time, or a little time? What can be accomplished in 6 months? The answer I find is, “nothing,” if each day isn’t taken quite seriously. Ugh! This feels awfully “heavy” and un-fun! Must not focus too hard on the grave ramifications of taking one’s eye off the ball here.

On a positive note, though looking at my new schedule scares the crap out of me, it also gives me respect for what I’m about to do. For example, the week of August 23rd, I’m going to be running 42 miles! Now, that’s just ridiculous. But I guess that is what I need to do so I don’t die out there on the road during the Marathon… I don’t want to die! So I’m going to do what they say to do, ya know? Knowing that I’m building up to running 42 miles in a week does feel sort of cool… So that’s something to look forward to.

And finally, having this new schedule in hand gives me a kind of writer’s outline! If I was wondering what I’d be blogging about for the next 6 months, how I’d sustain your interest, and whether I’d have anything new to say… Well, now I realize I don’t have to worry! There are plenty of challenges ahead. Understatement. And they’re conveniently structured with a beginning, middle and end. How lucky! I just have to keep showing up, following the road map, and reporting back on what’s happening as my character arc unfolds…

Halfway Mark: 6 Months to Go!

Today marks 6 months that I've been at it. I've accomplished a lot. I've gone from not being able to run 100 feet, to completing my first Half Marathon. My longest run was 15 miles. My fastest run was under 10:00 per mile. I've lost 12 pounds. I've changed clothing sizes and bought my first belt! I've improved my posture, my sleep, my digestion and my mood. I've gotten to know Central Park and my skin isn't ghostly white all the time because I'm out in the sun every weekend.

I've learned a ton about my body by reading, talking to other runners about their experiences, and by just noticing how things feel. I've seen new doctors, and been responsible about taking something this extreme on. I've considered the experience thoroughly, not missing a moment. I'm completely committed to following through with my plan, even though I let myself experience doubts frequently!

I find that running is a place where I can leverage my greatest strengths. Most prominently, my tendency to be relentless. If I weren't so driving, egotistical, and hard nosed, I'd have given up on day 2! But I can't give up. I said I was going to do this, and I'm doing it. Success is my only option. That's how I am. Stubborn Capricorn.

Running is also a place where I've had the opportunity to experience my own deep compassion. I've always been hyper compassionate towards others, coddling, making excuses, compensating, and justifying. But to myself, I was sort of a bitch, throwing insults and punishing whenever expectations weren't met. But running broke me because how in the world could I run 8 sloppy miles and be mad at myself. I mean, 8 miles! That's impressive! I don't care what my expectations might have been... 8 miles gets a frickin' gold star. Good girl.

I'm so much more in touch with what makes me happy since I started running. I've let myself get interested in new people; and I've become more interesting to old friends, too. It's amazing how my relationships have deepened with quite literally everyone. Well, they've deepened, or dropped off... Not that I've formally dismissed anyone; but some people seem to have just deselected themselves. They aren't interested in being with happy Michelle. OK. Maybe later.

Along the way I also gave up my cat Sukie, whom I adopted 6 years ago from a rescue. When I got Sukie, I'd really wanted a dog, but felt I wasn't home enough for one. I'd never had a cat, so I didn't know ...a cat is not a dog. Whoa, big learnings! I held on to Sukie for all these years though, because I felt I'd made a commitment to her, to care for her, and keep her safe and happy. I felt scared that if I admitted I didn't really love her, that would mean I was going to be a bad mother one day. But then it hit me, a cat is not a child, just the way a cat is not a dog. Neither the cat nor I were as happy as we could (and should) be. Life's short. You've got to go for it now.

I found Sukie a new home with an 89 year old woman named Hilda who loves cats and had just lost hers. Hilda pets Sukie all day and night, plays with her, and feeds her salmon! Hilda lives in a studio and Sukie has the run of the place, and Hilda lets her hide in the closets. I visit them both and bring presents. Everybody is happy and I am free of guilt and everything else. There is space in my home for something new. I'm not burdened. I'm not living with regret. I'm living honestly and without baggage.

So, what's next? I'm shocked by how exhausted I feel this week - how much having run that Half Marathon took out of me emotionally. I didn't realize I'd need a break - that I wouldn't want to run, or write, after it. I am totally shocked! I thought I'd be diving into Marathon training now, bolstered by my results and the Half, and pumped to improve my time at the Brooklyn Half in May; but it's the opposite. I feel smothered, cornered, resentful that I've said I would do more when the Half feels like accomplishment enough. I haven't run in 5 days and I don't want to run tomorrow. So, I should have planned a "vacation" and I didn't; but in the spirit of compassion, I took what I needed anyway.

Now, I'm terrified of the second leg of my journey. Preparing for the Marathon? This is going to be hard. The stakes are so high! The pressure is on to stick to the schedule, improve my speed, and stay injury free so I don't lose any weeks. The time commitment is going to be even greater, too. I don't want to give up blogging, or sleep, or seeing friends. I just don't see yet how I'm going to do it all. But if you'd asked me 6 months ago how I'd fit everything I do now in I would have said the same thing - I don't know; so I must have faith it will all work out.

The studying I'm going to need to do now is also much more important. 7 people died at the NYC Marathon last year!!! You never hear about that kind of thing... But this is serious. Running anything over 18 miles is damaging to the body. You can't mess around, especially training in the summer, with stuff like sodium and electrolytes. I mean just think, 6 months ago I seriously thought the notion of electrolytes was marketing B.S.! Now, I'm like, "All hail the banana!"

So, with respect for what I've accomplished, and a bit of fear in my heart - I step one foot in front of the next and enter the second half of this adventure. I wish I were more excited and less scared and tired. I wish I knew why I was doing all this other than sheer determination to do what I said I would do. I guess we shall see... Thank you for following along with me.