The doctor breezed in today holding my ultrasound report and said, "Your final results are in!" They were in two weeks ago. What was he talking about? He began to read out loud.
I could feel my blood pressure rising. This was old news. I'm trying to fast track, here! I resisted the urge to interrupt him and express my frustration.
Finally, he wiggled my foot around. It hurt but I didn't make a peep. He said the inflammation had gone down and it was looking better. "You'll eventually run again," he pronounced. Time stood still for a moment as I processed his words... Eventually? I thought he'd said 2 weeks and we'd see? He'd said I was going to run the marathon!
I couldn't contain myself any more. I confessed that I'd run last night. He said that was fine. We stared at each other. And then I became a bit hysterical. He grew more and more uncomfortable, interjecting with an occasional, "You need to do what I tell you," and giving me eyes that seemed to have more to say. But he wasn't saying.
Then the doctor suddenly got paged through the phone and had to excuse himself. While he was gone, I lined up the two pairs of sneakers and four pairs of orthotics I'd brought with me to the office. I made a list of questions I needed answered. I was not going to leave that room without some new information! I sat waiting. Where had he gone?
Then I had the strangest thought. What if someone was listening in on our conversation and had rung that phone to "save" him from my outburst? Not so far fetched if you consider the amount of paperwork and legal release forms I'd had to sign just to see this guy. What would stop him from bugging the room? Maybe to protect himself from clients who might sue him for bad advice he hadn't really given. He did seem like he gave good advice; but an angry celebrity can be a dangerous thing, no matter how good the advice. My theory would explain why the doctor was always so darn vague with me... and why he always had that look on his face, like he wanted to say something, but was holding back. And here's another suspicious factor. What male doctor sees a female patient without an assistant present in the room during the exam? That's unheard of these days. Not important though if you've got the whole session on camera. I decided I was very likely under surveillance.
When the doctor came back in, I reminded him about my marathon dreams. He told me I just needed to be patient, and repeated the R.I.C.E. advice. He had his assistant bring in more free anti-inflammatory pills, and more Coban compression bandages. I could tell he wanted to wrap it up.
He said, "You have to do what I tell you. Are you going to do what I tell you?" I said, "Yes! But I am! And I'm not getting any better?" We stared at each other again. He with his pleading eyes and dampened voice, and I with my dizzy confusion. Please doctor, 25,000 pennies for your thoughts? "You have to do what I tell you." Giving up, I presented my list of questions. (See the bottom if you're interested!)
The more I think about it, the more I am sure that room was bugged. All the evidence pointed to that. I've been surveilled before and caught it. Once you see the signs it's hard to believe you ever didn't see the signs. But you're never expecting it.
When I went to check out, in my head I calculated what I've spent on this doctor's advice - nearly $1,000 so far. He wants to see me again in two weeks. I declined to make the appointment just yet. I need to think about this. And maybe I need to sell some more stuff on eBay!
I'm not questioning the treatment my doctor is giving me. I'm just annoyed that there's so little I can do, he can do, to fix this situation. I want him to zap me, or shoot me up with something. I want to be paying for action, not the opposite. I will probably go back. I just need some time to embrace the idea that "nothing" could be worth so much. You'd think all my years of meditating would have prepped me for this; but, I guess, once a Western mind, always a Western mind...
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Q&A
What exactly is wrong?
I have bad tendinitis and degeneration of the bones around my joint, including the plantar bone. I also have a neuroma and two bursas, but they're not the trouble.
What exactly can I do about this to make it better?
Rest, ice, compression, anti-inflammatory medication and patience. Physical therapy would do nothing. Cortisone would be harmful because it would weaken an already weak area.
Have I made any progress, because it feels the same?
Yes - the inflammation is down a lot.
What exactly is going to get better? Degenerated bone doesn't sound like something that's going to regenerate?
Yes, it will. That's what the compression is for and why I have to keep icing. When there is inflammation, the compression can't work. So ice to reduce inflammation and then hope the binding encourages growth. He kept telling me all the professional athletes use Coban. This did not make me feel better.
Can I run the marathon?
Maybe. It depends. You have to be patient.
Can I run now?
He said I can run, but not long distances and not on consecutive days, and that I must ice for 20 minutes immediately after running and continue through the day when I'm not running. I said I needed him to quantify "long distance" but he wouldn't, he just kept saying, "Are you going to do what I tell you to?" and giving me that look - very paternal and nurturing - like he wanted to say something but he was stopping himself because he didn't think he should. I almost had the feeling he wanted to give me a hug.
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