93: The Fainting Diet

For months I've been wanting to do a proper cleanse, or a juice fast, but I've been too ravenous from all the running to consider it. Since I'm forbidden to run until at least Tuesday of next week though now, I figured this would be the perfect time to squeeze a detox program in. I've done the Blue Print Cleanse in the past - level one, the Renovation level. This time I'm opting for level two, the Foundation cleanse, since I'm so healthy already. I hope I don't regret that decision!

When I did Blue Print a year ago, it was during the work week and I made no effort to hide my funky bottles of beet juice, mystery green stuff and lemonade. Within a day, I was noticeably "not well" at the office. I had a fever. I was foggy. My boss started telling everyone I was on a new diet called "The Fainting Diet." By day three I had pimples all over.

They say those side effects are the toxins leaving your body, and that's proof that the fast is working. You're supposed to feel clean afterwards. I've never feel clean or amazing after a fast. Usually, my intestines stop working and I have a horrible stomach ache for days while things get back in gear. And I've never actually lost weight from a cleanse. I always wonder if that's because I had so many toxins to clear out, and I didn't really get them all, so I don't end up feeling totally saved.

This time I'm going to start the cleanse on a Friday and continue over the weekend, when I can be low key. I won't be able to eat when I go out to dinner, or drink at the party I'm hitting on Saturday night; but at least I'll be saving some money! Good thing too because the cost of the juices is obscene. I told my doctor friend Michael once how much it costs per bottle and he flat out told me I was crazy, and that it should be called the Stupid Diet. (And I think the price has actually gone up since then!)

OK, so why do it? I have read a lot about cleanses and how/why they work, and I must say, I do buy into the idea that the human body benefits from being shocked in different directions. You drive your car very, very fast (over 120 mph) every once in a while on an open road to burn out all the impurities in the engine that could coat or clog up the fuel lines, right? Well if you don't, you really should. (Did I just impress you with my car talk?) And I believe the body is the same way. We need to change our conditions, and create extreme circumstances, to prompt certain functions, and to strengthen the way the body is meant to function.

I many not feel "good" after I've done a cleanse, but I feel noble, and healthy, and disciplined. And I believe that this is something one should do (probably more often than I do) to stabilize digestion, release toxins, and cast off any encrusted seeds of disease which may be lodged deep down in the system. If I have to be uncomfortable for a few days now to potentially prevent illness down the line, well then that's worth it to me.

Now I can hardly wait for the morning to come... Let the fainting begin!