78: Deuteronomy

I went to Temple tonight. I do from time to time and today marked the anniversary of my dad's death so I picked my mom up, took her to David Chen where we split our usual shrimp with broccoli and walnuts, giggled when the waiter remarked at our leftovers, "You two eat like bird!" and then we went to Temple. I like the routine. It makes me feel connected to my mom and she is in traif heaven at David Chen.

The older I get, the more I like the Temple I grew up going to. It's changed over the years and so have I. Somehow, we've met in the middle. Now they actually talk about Judaism, and I have stopped being so annoyed that the place is filled with people who think they're living generous lives but, for the most part, aren't. Maybe they're doing the best they can.

There was a small crowd tonight. It's summer. Kids are just back from sleep away camp. Families are on vacation. I kind of like it when there are only 20 people in the room with my Rabbi and me. He's the same guy who performed my Bat Mitzvah in 1984. Even if I have another Rabbi one day, I'm sure I'll always think of him and wonder, "What would Douglas say?" (WWDS).

As you know, I'm not a deeply religious person, but I think my given religion takes an interesting approach to answering questions, and a humane view about people. I've been wondering what my religion would say about this little hiccup I'm facing on my running journey. How would Judaism handle a story where, just shy of the finish line, the protagonist drops out? Tonight I found some insight.

The Jewish Torah and calendar are in their last month right now, Deuteronomy; and funnily enough, just such a situation arises. Moses (protagonist) up and dies. He's pretty much been the focus of the action for a while; readers would be attached. So, here's the rub. The Torah states that Moses actually wrote the Torah - that it was dictated to him by G-d himself. Ut-oh! Logic check! He wrote about his own death, and events thereafter?

The Talmud (scholars' anecdotes around the Torah) proposes two explanations for this conflict. Either A) someone else (Joshua) wrote the last part, or B) G-d dictated the last part to Moses before he died, "and Moses wrote [the words] down in tears." Holy Tragedy! Can you imagine writing down the story of your own demise? [Why, yes that feels a bit familiar...]

So, I'm thinking, let me take a cue from Moses. If it turns out I can't actually run the marathon, and I still want to finish my story, maybe I'll invite in a guest blogger. Someone perhaps like my friend Mariah who runs, got into the marathon, and even has her own blog. She could cover the story and close the loop for me. Or, I could hope for the other resolution, that I get some divine inspiration... and the end of the story just comes to me in a flash! I already imagine what the run on November 7th might be like; maybe that's nearly as good as running it in earnest. All I need is a little bit of light from above and there you go, I'm on to the afterword.

Is there such a thing as free will? Or has the end of my story been preordained? I am going to do everything I can to stay in the game right now, hoping that I will be a runner who reports on the day of the marathon; but if it doesn't happen just the way I want it to, well then, maybe it just wasn't inscribed to be.