6: 365 Day Report

It's a year today and I just got back from a 5 mile run in Central Park. It took me one hour and 30 seconds. Not exactly a record but I don't mind. I loved it; and as I came to the end, crossing almost exactly where I hope to cross one week from today, the marathon finish line, I cried.

Let me be clear. I still don't love to run. Those first two miles are always brutal for me. I'm complaining the whole time. Every step is an effort. My head won't quiet. I'm too hot, my stomach's upset, my foot hurts, my breathing is strained. The water bottle belt is riding up and cutting into my ribs. My foot begins to re-blister. My shoulders hunch and strain. My face burns in the sun. My Yurbuds slip out. My old reliable songs don't pump me up. There's a camel toe. Honestly, I torture myself.

But then, I calm down. I acquiesce. I notice the blue sky and the white clouds. Today, there were gorgeous russet leaves to marvel at, and the smell of fall complementing the horse manure along the route. New York City is in its glory right now; it's peak fall weather. Crisp, bright, fresh and dry.

I've been thinking about all the ways my life is different today than it was 365 days ago. My life is so much better! When I started this journey, I had no idea what I was in for. I thought it was just going to be a year about running and writing. I'd either improve or I wouldn't, and that would be the story.

But that wasn't all I got. I got a new body, new friends, a new wardrobe and a tan. I lost 10 pounds, gave away my cat, and moved to a mostly pescaterian diet. I haven't had a migraine in a year, or taken an Ambien to fall asleep. I date differently. I spend money differently. I spend my time differently. Even my family has changed. Where I was sad and angry at my mother last year for letting herself fall apart in every way; now I am grateful to her for showing me what happens if you don't take care of yourself. I got myself together, and now I'm stepping in and saving her, as much as I possibly can.

I did under perform in an area where I had some expectations. Frankly, I thought I'd improve at running more than I have in a year. Isn't that ironic? I thought after a year of training I'd be running in just a sports bra and briefs, athletic in every way, happily emaciated, 40 pounds lighter, injury free, the vision of physical strength. Not so much.

In reality, my speed has improved, but not by that much. My endurance has improved but mostly due to the hurdles I've made with my mind. I'm thinner but, other than my legs, I'm not sure anyone would peg me as marathon bound.

I'm not complaining, though. What I've got is "enough." I'm content with how it went, with the effort put in and the return on investment. I didn't get what I thought I'd get, but I got more than I expected, by staying in the moment and pressing forward.

In terms of advice, I say, walk through every open door that has something even minorly interesting on the other side. Just go. You'll figure out what it means eventually. It all fits into your journey and you can't grow if you don't move into new spaces. Everything happens in perfect timing but you have to look for the openings and move through them. That's on you.

Visualize what makes you happy, especially when you are unhappy, so that you will recognize good things when they come along and not hesitate to grab them. Accept love in whatever form it's offered. And know only one thing for certain, and assert it over and over to yourself, so you don't forget... That is, you have no idea what you are capable of or what's best for you until you let go of trying to look good, and trying to sound good.

Do not be so obsessed with your "plan" that you miss new data points. The prize might not be where you think it is. You might be wrong. Throw your rules away and just bend to smell the flowers right now, or the horse manure, exactly where you are. Feel what it feels like to be you, living your life. You need to know yourself, and be kind to yourself, before you can be truly connected to others.

Sometimes growth can be awkward. You can't know right away if pain is a sign that you should turn around and go back, or a sign that you're about to grow.

Remember "growing pains" when you were a kid? They're real, right? You'd lie on the bed and your mom or your dad would pull on your legs. It's the same for us now as grown ups. Our minds sometimes want to lengthen before our habits and conventions are ready. Notice this when it happens to you, and label it growing pains, tell friends what it feels like for you and let them pull you through.

That's been my secret to success this year. Being open about the growing pains, and letting friends pull me through. I wasn't sure I was a runner; but my friends told me I was. Now, it is realized. I've grown and I'll never be small again.

Whatever your dream, your inclination, your undiscovered destiny, I wish you speed in seeing the open doors already around you. Share your experience with others so that they can learn from you, and they can help you when you need it. You will need help. Walk into your future with confidence - or better yet, run.

7: Oh, So Now You Want Me?

I was contacted this week by the New York Road Runners. I have no idea how they got my work email address, but they did. They sent a sponsorship query. Maybe my company would like to affiliate its brands with the marathon?

The letter was much more personal than most of the sponsorship requests I get. It wished me good luck at the race next week and referenced a relationship with my boss' boss' boss. I followed protocol for processing through another department, but couldn't resist responding as well myself.

Almost immediately, I received another letter from the New York Road Runners, this time copying a larger group. I'm apparently "just the type of runner" they are hoping to entice to participate in the marathon, someone who goes through significant lifestyle changes in preparation for the big race.

They went on to explain the meaning behind their slogan, "I'm in! We're in!" The "I'm in!" part is about what the runner does after they are accepted and the "We're in!" part refers to how your family supports you as you prepare.

I wanted to write back and say how ironic it was that they were contacting me now because, actually, I did not "get in" through them. And that slogan absolutely tortured me for weeks after I found out, and before I knew I'd have a spot through my angel. "I'm in!" sounded pretty arrogant when most of the people I knew who had applied had not actually gotten in. I'm guessing they didn't run that copy through any focus groups.

The NYRR Business Development team wanted to get on the phone with me right away to talk. They read my blog and thought it was funny. I let them know it's a crazy time for me at work, with the pep rally coming up, not to mention, the marathon; and I told them we could talk later in the month.

I received one more email after that, from the EVP, with a little bit of a sales pitch, appreciation for my enthusiasm, and affirmation that they'd be happy to wait to talk to me until after things have calmed down. I'm looking forward to that.

Life is really weird. You can go from being on the outside, to being on the inside, over night - all because you have a little bit of budget and some booze at your disposal. Apparently, sneakers aren't enough.

8: Hustle & Flow

12 months of hustle, and now, it's just flow. I'm flowing through the days leading up to the marathon, trying to rest, trying not to freak out. I'm also trying not to get sick or fall down a flight of stairs. If you knew how klutzy I am you'd understand that's a real project!

Today a friend asked me if I'm still preparing and I sort of burst back, "Oh no! Not doing a thing! Haven't run since Saturday!" His eyes bugged out. Am I supposed to be running now? Probably. I mean, not long runs but short little ones or something. I've stopped looking at my schedule. I've even stopped entering data into my Training Peaks online training program. Really, none of it matters now. Right? All that crap was just stuff I used to get me to today. And I'm here.

I'm really good at hustle but, truth be told, I prefer flow. Flow is when my creative juices bubble up and I make huge leaps of progress in self-awareness and actualization. I let myself have radical plans. And that's a very good thing.

For example, running was the progeny of flow... I'd just quit a terribly intense job this time last year and I was going home after work to an empty apartment, bored to death. I had no idea what to do with my time. Running stopped the gap.

Right now in this period of flow I'm planning a party, planning my life, and feeling excited about all the things I still have left to experience. I have some ideas about what I'll hustle for next, but I'm not committing to anything yet. I don't need to. Still another week to go with flow... and I'm not done dreaming yet.

9: Cheers!

Only nine days to go!!! I need to start getting more sleep. And I need to stop drinking! I'm not doing any more social drinking until the marathon is over; but I am still drinking at work.

I look after a spirits brand and one of my job responsibilities is to evaluate beverage alcohol samples from the lab. Just this week, I had a 10AM meeting in which I needed to taste twenty new liquid prototypes! For serious. Thank goodness I've got that behind me and now I can get on to a week of clean living!

I'm still not quite clear on why everyone says you have to stop drinking so far ahead of a race, though. I've been asking people for their theories. The most likely ones I've heard are that drinking dehydrates you, and that over consumption can lead to tomfoolery and bodily injury. If anyone knows of any other reasons, I'd be curious to hear.

For now, I'm dry... but there's a bottle of bubbly already chilling in my fridge for one week from Sunday! Even if I don't make it to the finish line - OK maybe especially if I don't make it to the finish line - I'm popping that puppy open the minute I get back to my apartment! Even before the ice bath.

10: Write What You Know

The end is near; and I don't mean the running. I mean the blog.

After tonight I'll have just 9 more entries to write. I feel like I have a million topics I still want to putter around on. How did the time go so quickly?

I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that for every blog entry I've posted, I've written two. Some days more. Sometimes it's hard to commit to one topic. Others I pick a topic that's so big it could go on forever, and I have to shut it down and switch back to something simple, like bananas... or socks. If I'm writing about socks, you can be sure that's just a front for something much longer and deeper that I couldn't put a bow on before bedtime.

There are a few things I want to say about what it's been like to have written a blog every single day for a year. First and foremost, the discipline of doing anything for a year, whether you want to or not, without a break, has taught me how (mechanically) to cast off fear. Just do whatever you're anxious about over and over again. Eventually, you'll forget why you were afraid, and you'll just start showing up for business, ready to play. You can't work on your skills until that fear is pushed to the side.

Next, I've had a bit of a coming of age with this blog, creatively. I've finally stopped making shit up and trying to sound important when I write. Finally, finally, finally I'm writing what I know! Every arts professor I've ever had has tried to drum this message into me. I didn't listen because I felt I didn't know anything. If I wrote what I knew it would have been a page with the sentence, "I have nothing to say," over and over on it. Quite literally.

So, instead of writing what I knew, I wrote what I thought sounded deep and literary. I made sure the words were beautifully organized, as a foil for the hollowness inside. In the studio arts, I focused on the quality of the components, their originality, the lines... I picked a meaningful theme with known emotions I could attach to. Not my emotions! Just some obvious universal emotions.

In writing I've always picked topics I found interesting but had no experience with. Protagonists dying of cancer, one with dissociative personality disorder, the woman painted in Degas' "Woman with Chrysanthemums," a few TV pilots with nobody remotely like me in the ensemble.

In the studio arts, I didn't just create around themes I didn't understand, I liked to employ shock value. For my sculpture class, I welded like a mad woman, poured aluminum, and hung mobiles from campus trees. It was fun. As my final project I picked a theme I thought I could project myself into - a woman's conflict between working and staying home to care for her children. I appropriated objects. There was a full size oven that I'd found at a junk yard and filled (literally filled) with cookies. On the range (which was lit) there was a seamstress' bust with a headless plastic baby stuck on top. Horrifying! I got an A+. Honestly, I should have gotten an F. What was I talking about? This was not my dilemma yet... It's still not my dilemma, even. That wasn't a topic for me to have tackled at 21.

My superficiality came to a head in college in my photography class. I finally had a professor who really called me out in an arresting way. I was a fine photographer by then; I'd started in high school, in the dark room, the whole thing. I was paid to do portraits. I shot a few Bat Mitzvahs. So, by college, I had to really deliver on content. For my final project senior year, like with sculpture, I was into being shocking. I created a series I called "Back Alley Abortion." Get ready. This is bad! I bought dead fish from the grocery store, butchered them with scalpels, lay the bloody mess on the white snow in the parking lot behind my apartment building, with a brick wall in the background, and then photographed the whole thing in black and white. It was so beautiful to look at! Haunting. The composition was perfect! I did my presentation Cooper Union style, with everyone in the class there for the critique; and I got reamed. What the fuck was I talking about! The teacher seemed very mad... Why hadn't I picked a subject I knew anything about? I remember how scared the other kids in my class looked for me when I was receiving my critique. They knew I was good. Was the teacher being unfair?

The teacher wasn't being unfair. She was expecting more of me. She wanted me to use my voice. I could be artful and clever, even shocking. But all my stories were flat because ultimately, I STILL HAD NOTHING TO SAY. Or, I thought, what I really had to say would be completely uninteresting to other people.

In writing for a year now about uninteresting things like running, and about what's happened to me because of running, I've finally tapped into what it means to write what you know. It surprises me daily that I haven't created imaginary characters to bulk up my story, or done anything to enhance the reader's experience, and I'm still writing. This exercise has been all about being genuine, and practicing sharing that in words.

There is a great responsibility in offering up wordsmithery for public viewing. You can't just say shit because the phrases sound nice together. You have to say things that are true in some way around a particular theme that you are qualified to speak about. Not to say you can't make up radical characters that are nothing like you; but they need to be characters you can see and feel yourself in; they must be genuinely you as you write. Writing fiction isn't about telling how it was, it's about becoming your subjects and bleeding their blood onto the keyboard.

That's the discipline of the writer. That's what defines you as a writer, if you are one - that you think about being genuine, and make a conscious effort to literally be your characters if you're writing fiction, so that you are always writing what you know. And you need to keep seeking out more to know... so that you have the license to keep writing new things. That is what makes being a writer so fun! The curious mindset and life of exploring that goes with it. Definitely not the carpal tunnel.

11: Last Minute Advice

Everybody has a ton of last minute advice for me. A blind man told me to run on the lower level of the Verrazano. He said the sound of the feet overhead would be something I'd never forget. Tonight I heard, whatever you do, do not run on the lower level of the Verrazano because everyone on the upper level whips it out and pees over the edge, and the people on the lower level get bombed with urine.

I just heard a story about a guy who got pushed, not even a mile into the race, and fell and knocked all his teeth out on the metal bridge floor. The moral of the story was, from this person's perspective, "You're a New Yorker. Push ahead of people. Don't let them push you." OK... I can't quite imagine myself pushing another runner out of the way! Not my style!

Today I heard about how I should starve myself, "Don't eat ANYTHING the week before the marathon. Like, a cracker is fine." This is up until a few days before the race. This person said every pound is 5 minutes faster. Dropping 10 lbs is recommended. Oh boy... I've heard this before and had a fantasy that I'd be wafer thin by the time the marathon happened but that hasn't happened. Could I really drop 5 lbs before next Wednesday? Maybe... I'm going to try!

I've had a few hydration lectures. And in fact, though it's all still 11 days away, I've been over-hydrating already, drinking Gatorade when I wake up, water all day long. I'm told the week before the marathon I should heavy-up and drink until I feel like I'm going to explode. Water and Gatorade. Coconut water. Excel something or other, a brand I don't know... I can't keep up!

And then there's the doozie that's really got me stumped. A 6-time marathoner told me tonight that I should plan to take about 10 Tylenol or Advil during the race. I thought this person was kidding! 10? Everything I've read says to abstain from any pain killers for 24 hours before the race, and 6 hours after, to protect your liver and kidneys. But this guy was insistent. 10. Take 2 an hour before you run, and then keep popping them. They prevent inflammation (and pain, of course) and this helps you run faster, better, longer. He said your body's burning everything up so fast while you run that there aren't any negative effects. Hmm...

I guess like with everything, you want take people's advice with a grain of (Hymalayan) salt. New information can be alluring, though. Is this the tidbit I need to make my run the best it can be? Is this what I've been missing all along, what would push me over the edge and make me faster? I suppose I will keep growing and learning right to the very moment the gun goes off... and even on race day. Hopefully, whatever I learn on Nov 7, 2010, I can put to good use as I train for marathon 2011.

12: Running With The Green Wave

Less than two weeks to go... My mind's starting to go between "numb" and "overdrive." I'm telling myself it's just 7 miserable hours. I can try my best for 7 hours. Women are in labor for much longer than that, cracking open, and they survive.

Big milestone today. I got my "wave" which determines where you go to start the race. I'm in the Green Wave. And I start at 10:40AM. That doesn't mean I actually start at 10:40. It means they intend for my group to start at 10:40, which means I could start any time after that - 10:40 is the last wave. This makes it hard to tell people when I'll be where along the route. I will have to try to map out a plan though.

This is my fantasy of how it's going to go. I would like to work on this and revise it a little before Nov 7th, though, because it's pretty scary:

Miles 1-2: running a little too fast, excited, no need to walk
Mile 3: empowered, no stopping, feeling strong, wishing the sun weren't so strong
Miles 4-8: running with a one minute walk break between every mile, ugh feeling a little bit spent, foot hurting
Miles 9-12: steady, in a groove, not so bad... endorphins are good, I can't feel my foot, this is the zone! yes!
Miles 13-16: hard... how the fuck am I going to finish this!? starting to see people... wanting to look good on 1st Ave...
Miles 17-21: oh holy hell i can't do this I'm walking half the time and all these people are looking at me, drinking, stopping to pee, stretching, considering stopping, the crowds going home, the street a dirty mess with cups and gels and trash, i am going to come in last, omg I can't believe some people are still standing here waiting for me - meanwhile 50% of the runners are home already in their ice baths and I'm the slow schmuck who didn't train enough, or just "can't" and... wait a minute! remember: this is a privilege! 5.2 more to go...
Miles 22-26.2: someone else in my body dragging my bloody stumps downtown and around the bend to the finish, so hard my brain can't compute, thoughts become deluded, i am flying on a magic carpet, there isn't anyone behind me, I am actually the last person to finish the marathon this year only I'm so late they have shut down the finish line and my race doesn't even count.

I've got to work on this because if I've learned one thing in my life it is, be careful what you envision because it always - and I mean ALWAYS - comes true.

13: Gonna Have a Pep Rally!

I need a pep rally right about now! So I've organized one with three others who are also running the marathon. We don't just share that in common - we're all also supporting the same charity, Blue Card.

Please come out and let me know you think I can do it!!! Offer a word of support, enjoy amazing drink specials ($3 bottled beer, $5 martinis), see old friends, meet new friends, get inspired to start being active yourself, maybe win some cashola through a 50/50 raffle... It's going to be a blast! Pass this invite on, too. More the merrier!

If you want to see me along the running route at the marathon itself, I'll have maps at the pep rally with meeting points and approximate times when and where I think you'll be able to catch me.

I am running to raise money for an amazing cause so I'll ask you to consider making a $10-20 donation at the door (unless you've already supported me online - just let me know at the door). Here is a link to my donation page:
http://www.crowdrise.com/michellesandersforbluecard/fundraiser/HatesToRun

My charity, Blue Card, is a very interesting one you may not have heard about before. It gives material support to impoverished survivors of the Holocaust - many of whom live in our country and are without family or other resources. Can you imagine surviving a concentration camp as a child, but now having to choose between medication and food in your old age?

If you make a donation to the Blue Card, your money won't be spent on petri dishes and direct mailings, it will go directly to survivors, giving them immediate solutions to problems most of us are privileged not to experience. You can read about Blue Card in this NYT article that ran in last week's Sports section: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/22/sports/22marathon.html?_r=4&ref=sports

I also have a special program going for kids 12 and under who want to come out and support me at the race itself! It's my "5 for $5" offer! All your child has to do is give me a high-5 along the way while I'm running and I'll donate $5 to the Blue Card in his or her name. (Don't worry, I'll make it easy! Just tell me where to look for you guys!)

So, where's the party? Address above, but here's a link if you like pictures and details. http://crotonnyc.com/

I'll be at The Croton Reservoir Tavern (aka Croton Tavern, Croton Reservoir, The Brick Lounge) starting at 5PM and there will be Happy Hour specials running until 9PM, so come on down! If you're a runner, or don't want to drink, there will be a bounty of bananas and delicious non-alcoholic drink options for you (and for me!).

Croton Tavern is conveniently located in Midtown near all mass transit, just blocks from Port Authority, Grand Central, Penn Station, Times Square and Bryant Park. Take the shuttle bus from the Javits Center to Times Square if you are going to the Marathon Expo first.

I hope to see you on Thursday, November 4th!

14: Just Ran the Last 10 Miles...

Running in NYC has become such a racket. When I started all this I said I wanted to train for the marathon with minimal financial investment. I never hired a trainer. I didn't join a gym. I used whatever basic "equipment" I had until I began knowing the difference; and I've managed to buy almost everything new that I've needed since then with at least a 10% discount. So, when I get suckered, like I did today, it really pisses me off.

My 10 mile run this morning was hosted by a club. A friend sent me the invite and what appealed to me was that the route was the same as the last 10 miles of the marathon. The email said that Gatorade, water, gels and bagels would be provided, as well as pacers, for an entrance fee of $40. That sounded steep... but I decided to indulge because I thought experiencing new things would motivate me - a new route, new people, a club, and pacers.

Well, as it turns out I read the email wrong - somehow. There was no water, Gatorade or gels at all. Right before the start I had to go to Starbucks and buy a huge bottle of water to carry with me. Ugh! And then my 12:00-13:00 pacer ran too fast, didn't know the mile markers, and eventually left me in the dust when I burned out around mile 6. (I only held out that long because I was afraid I'd get lost by myself in the Bronx!) Really disappointing experience.

We started after 8AM on East 60th Street and 1st Ave. The run up 1st was so much easier than I'd expected, even going too fast. The incline really wasn't that bad and it was empowering to watch the street numbers climb. I've been running in Central Park so long, anything different is a welcome distraction!

Then the Bronx was un-fun, scary and gross. I was still with my group then and we were marveling at the number of piles of unscooped dog poop and used condoms there were on the sidewalk. Not to mention the hobos and derelicts. Clearly, the City of New York doesn't give a crap about the Bronx. Kind of sad.

Harlem was the most fun. There were lots of ladies out running or walking and each one acknowledged me and offered an encouraging word. My foot was bothering me a lot so I walked from Marcus Garvey Park to 103rd St., just enjoying watching the city wake up.

I hated 5th Avenue below 103rd Street. It felt all uphill and I had to run on the cobble stones then because morning traffic was building. Team in Training was out in force with hydration stations dotting the Park and I was jealous. Their runners looked strong! And there were tons of other runners out too, crawling from crevices in the woodwork! Where have they been all year? My hands were all swollen from not having the proper hydration. I couldn't wait to be done. 3 more miles has never seemed so long.

As I finished through the south end of Central Park I crossed paths with my Saturday morning intenSati group and yelled "I love intenSati!" (And I really do. Can't wait to get back to doing that 3x a week.) I considered putting my ice bath off and joining class for an hour but had plans later that might have been compromised, so I didn't.

I stretched a little and then settled into my ice routine. I don't feel even the slightest bit sore right now. That's probably not the best sign. I suppose I didn't work hard enough. Then again, waking up and burning 900 calories before 10AM isn't too shabby. Tomorrow, though, I am sleeping in...

15: Poorly Rested

I'm running a 10 mile group long run tomorrow that follows the last 10 miles of the marathon route. I've tried to carb load, stay hydrated and lick salt over the last few days but I'm not sure I got the balance quite right. I feel a little dehydrated right now.

I also haven't gotten enough sleep. I was up at 4:15AM this morning to catch a flight, and then I worked like a maniac all day. I wish naps were enforced for adults. I want a carpet square with my name on it.

Now I am off to bed so I can be up at 6AM to hit the start line on East 60th street. It's strange. I'm looking forward to it in my head, but the rest of me is totally bummed and I'm sure in the morning will be begging to stay back in our cuddly down comforter swaddle heaven. It's going to be a challenge getting out the door for this one.

16: 5M Run in Chicago

Ever since I started this project I've dreamed of running along the Lake in Chicago. I've been here for work or pleasure maybe 5 times this year, but something has always come up - or it's been too cold. Today was the day.

I headed out from the Lincoln Park area around 6PM and went north. The path was paved, but then there was a narrow dirt shoulder alongside the main way that all the other runners seemed to favor, so I stayed over there too. Cushier on the joints, I guess.

The sky to my right was the pale blue color of my teenage bedroom, punctuated by a full white moon hanging out like a cheerful disk of micro-planed scallop. As the sun set, everything above smudged with baby pinks and yellows, a watercolor curtain backdrop for all the pretty sailboats docked and bobbing just off the shore. The path didn't stay right along the shore in many parts but there were "prairie gardens" planted (and dying) along the way to look at, and lots of dogs on leashes. Dogs and flowers are pretty much all I need to keep going across any terrain.

I didn't have a way to track my distance so I just went by time and my sense of things. I ran about 2.5 miles and then turned back to run the same route home. The people watching was great. Serious runners going for speed, novice women, teenagers in pairs, and speed walkers. I got some eye contact, especially from the folks I passed both ways, but of course, as is the runner's code no matter where you go, there was no actual acknowledgment of recognition. I'm doing my thing. You're doing yours. Let's keep going and get home before dark!

On my way back I accidentally turned into the city way too early and got lost. I really do manage to get lost in places where it's nearly impossible to get lost. There must be a subconscious agenda in this. No mind, I just kept running in what I thought was the right direction and eventually I got there...

It was cold outside but I loved that. By the time I got back to the house I'd perspired through my jacket and was very happy to grab a shower, change into sweats, and let my sister and her husband feed me a big bowl of homemade mussel soup. Much better than a powdered protein drink!

17: Magic Bus

Well, I almost had a little disaster on my hands. For those who've never run the NYC Marathon, you don't just take the ferry to Staten Island on the morning of the race and amble up to the start. There are 40,000 people who all need to be at the same place, at the same time, and the descent on SI is a highly orchestrated affair. You need to sign up for official transportation or you're not getting there. They close the roads and only official cars and busses can get through.

The real bummer about all this is that, with so many people to cart over to Staten Island, the procession has to start early. Real early. Like 5AM for some people. You get picked up in Manhattan, driven to Staten Island, and then wait in the cold for hours until the race starts in waves beginning a little bit before 10AM. Most people are pretty anxious the night before the marathon so they don't sleep anyway, and then they're up earlier than usual. It's a recipe for exhaustion; but go ahead and run 26.2 miles after all that!

Anyway, one of the great privileges of running as a guest of my amazing patron is that I've been invited to take their official bus over to the start. Their bus happens to pick up 4 blocks from my apartment and I don't have to be there until 6:15AM - so super swank! At least, that's how it was supposed to go...

I like knowing a plan is confirmed; but I haven't received any sort of communication from my sponsor about race day transportation. I started to get concerned so I sent them an email, just checking in. No reply. So I called - and it's a good thing I did. Apparently, oops, someone at HQ made a mistake and I wasn't on the transportation list, even though transportation had been outlined in my package.

My sponsor apologized and fixed the error - luckily there was still a spot open on the bus. Can you imagine if I hadn't called? All the regular transportation options through the NYRR are now closed. I might not have had a way to get there, though I suppose maybe I could have stayed over night at a hotel in Staten Island? What would I have done!

Hard to believe the marathon is just 17 days from today. I still have running to do. I'll take a nice outdoor jog along the Lake tomorrow here in Chicago, where I'm visiting on business for work. Then Saturday I'll be running 10 miles with a group. What else? I'm organizing a pep rally and fund raiser to take place a few days before the marathon! Details on that to follow...

18: Extra Extra

I've got well meaning friends and colleagues who like to set me up on dates. I find this flattering and rarely turn an introduction down because, well, I'm not married and, you never know. I've met my share of accountants, confirmed bachelor college friends of husbands, jackass bankers, over-complicated lawyers, and under-uncomplicated dog walkers. Today's "set up" was in a whole different category, though.

Early in the morning, one of my favorite colleagues bounded over to me full of enthusiasm about someone I just had to meet! This woman has excellent taste and knows me well. If anyone would have a chance of getting it right, it would be she. Her eyes were sparkling... it must be a good one, I thought!

"You have to get in touch with him!" she said, "He's your twin. He's so cute! He's 36, and he started running on a lark just like you did, and then he got tendinitis and he can't run now, but he's still going to run the marathon, and he's just like you! He even has a blog about running. And he's so cute! You have to meet him."

Turns out, it wasn't a friend of a friend, or someone she'd ever met. It was a guy she'd just read about in AM New York, one of the two free daily newspapers in NYC. Yes, people are setting me up with characters they read about in free newspapers. Should I consider this a problem?

An hour later, a wrinkled page 26 slid under my door. My colleague wasn't giving up; and it was true, from the article, it did look like this guy Kai and I had a lot in common; and he was cute, and funny. His blog was called Idiot Runner - and in the one entry I read he wrote about his stupid piece of shit Garmin that wasn't working. Hmmm...

I tracked the man down.

Long story short, Idiot Runner is not single. And his "real life" email alias, by the way, is something akin to StudMuffin@IdiotRunner.com, which might have been a red flag, were this story going where it isn't. Stud Muffin is, however, suffering from tendinitis, as I do, and we have a boatload else in common. Within a few hours we'd become pen pals, Stud Muffin and me. Not sure if we'll stay in touch but I'm pretty sure we'll be brushing shoulders in the last hours of the race, as we both push for our dreams to come true... and hopefully limp across that finish line.

The article: http://www.amny.com/urbanite-1.812039/nyc-marathon-2010-the-idiot-runner-copes-with-injury-1.2374333

19: Mr. Foot Dreams of His Holiday

When I was running yesterday, hurting, and grinding it out, I had fantasies of what I might post to my facebook status today: Michelle Sanders can't walk. Or maybe, Michelle Sanders is on ice. But, surprise, surprise, I'm totally fine... Sure, I'm a little bit sore, but nothing major and nothing compared to after previous long runs. I can climb stairs, sit and bend. I don't feel like a "shaken baby."

Formula for success: eating right for 3 days before the run; staying hydrated, salted and fed for the full run; stretching while running and after; more food and drinking; walking; ice bath; hot bath; foam roller; and 2 Advil the next morning. Totally fine. Miracle.

We'll see how I feel tomorrow. The only thing that's bothering me right now is my dear foot, where my original injury was. It feels worse than ever. I've got 3 weeks to nurse it back to mediocre so I can run one more long run - the big one! And after that, I'm sending Mr. Foot on a holiday! (Probably with the rest of me... because we're all going to need to lie down for a while after 26.2!)

20: Ran 20 Miles, How Apropos

Before I say anything else - yes, I did it. I ran 20 miles today. 20.37, to be exact. Maybe if I'd bought a Garmin with GPS I wouldn't have over-shot my mark but I didn't, I bought the Timex basic. Anyway, good thing I bought something because my Nike+ gadget had a seizure every 3 or so miles and decided to just turn off. Without a watch, I wouldn't have even known what time it was! Um, sun rising overhead maybe half past noon?

Before I started running, I thought to myself, "I'm privileged to be able to do this today;" and that remained the motivating theme of my run. Any time it got impossibly hard, I remembered the privilege. And I let myself walk. And I looked out at the beautiful day I was given to run in.

Until last night, I'd been planning to run in Central Park. Familiar ground, measured distances, easy access to supplemental drinks, not too far from hospitals. Then last night as I was lying in bed I was thinking about doing something/anything for 5 hours, and how important it is to me to make the most of my life. It's one thing to hate every moment of an hour-long project. I'm not a baby. I hate an hour of many projects, all the time. So you suck it up, smile and carry on. But 5 hours? I wanted to at least learn something new.

I've lived in New York City since 1994. Always in Manhattan - on E. 93rd Street, E. 7th Street, W. 23rd Street, Thompson Street, W. 84th Street, W. 70th Street, E. 27th Street, and W. 60th Street. In that order. I've seen a lot, done a lot, been almost everywhere. Except some major landmarks. I've saved them for special occasions. On purpose. For example, I've never walked across the Brooklyn Bridge. That must sound insane considering how often I got to Brooklyn and always have. Well, it's by design; I've been saving it. It means something to me. My first time will be during the Marathon and I'm more excited for that than any other single moment I can imagine during the race, except maybe crossing the finish!

Another thing I've never done is run or walk up the West Side Highway further than Columbia. The irony is, that patch above 110th Street is, bar none, my favorite place and view from the city. I love that drive looking across at New Jersey and the Palisades. It reminds me of looking at a fictitious European island village, and when the leaves are turning, they look so phenomenal up there on the cliffs behind the George Washington Bridge. If there's any season to go running up the West Side Highway, fall! (Or maybe spring, with the cherry blossoms!)

I decided to scrap the Central Park plan and map out a route on the West Side Highway, down to Laight Street, and then back up again all the way to the little Red Lighthouse under the GWB. Including the run to and from my front door, it was exactly 20 miles! I'd need to carry my own hydration (Camelback!) and lots of gels, salt and maybe even a long sleeved shirt because it could get cold down along the water; but it sounded genuinely exciting. I was going to go someplace I'd never been. And it was going to be beautiful.

I started out later than I'd thought I would in the morning because I spent a lot of time getting ready, writing down everything I was doing. I even wore a race number (turned around) today to make sure the placement I'm choosing will be comfortable on Nov 7th. I took a baby aspirin as is recommended before the marathon. I ate exactly as I plan to eat on race day. I did everything precisely, down to how I clipped my hair. For once, I forgot nothing! And... when I left the house I weighed myself. I was carrying 7.5 pounds of gear!!!! Oy vey.

There isn't much to say about the run. (And yet, I will carry on for 7 more paragraphs!) I made three stops. One at Fairway 125th Street to buy some pesto. No, just kidding! I used the bathroom there and bought a 32 oz Gatorade to refill my Camelback. Then I stopped again at some sketchy bathroom attached to a ball field. And I also stopped up by the GWB to shoot some video with my iPod. I'd post it here but Lord help me I have no idea how to download it!

There were tons of runners on the road. Anthony Edwards ran past me with a trainer. The Avon Walk for Breast Cancer is in NYC this weekend and there were volunteers directing walkers on in places. They also had cheering sections out below 57th Street and I got some applause, maybe because of my pink headband.

I talked to a few people along the way. I'd mapped my route out by miles, so that I could calculate splits and try to estimate my marathon time; but above 100th Street the West Side Highway is totally nowhere near the numbered streets so in a lot of places there was no way to guess where I was except by the signs for the off-ramps. So I asked bikers who were riding in from the real world, "Where are we?"

I also went off the path at one point accidentally and ended up in the middle of a grassy baseball field! Only I could do that. I'm sure the path was marked well but, I'm like, the worst with directions! I asked two boys where to go and they pointed me in what was eventually the wrong direction. One came running after me maybe 400 feet (he'd been calling me but I didn't hear him with my iPod on) to redirect me to the right way back to the path. Nice kids! "Did the Yankees win last night?" I asked, figuring he'd know; I'd gone to bed before the game finished. Bad news! The only other person I talked to was a cop. I asked her where I was and she said she didn't know. (Ya know, disturbing!)

It took me 5 hours to finish 20 miles. I'd been aiming for 4:30. I took 29 minutes at Fairway (despite best attempts to get out of there - they have lines!) and I'm including that in my overall time so I'm not so terribly far off from my mark. There was a lot of walking and stretching, in addition to the other bathroom and video stops.

Running 18 miles was, in some ways, harder than 20. I hadn't run a long distance in months when I did it. I needed a lot of affirmations and fantasizing about an ice bath to get me through. Today, when I hit mile 12, I felt elated because I knew I could run 8 more. That was just four miles and four miles. I can run four miles. I used some mind games, but it wasn't a constant battle. In fact, I was able to think about a lot of other things, which was kind of nice.

Now I'm officially in the taper down phase. I don't even know what my schedule is for that! I haven't looked - I figured I'd cross that bridge when I came to it - if I came to it. So I need to set that up and work it into my work and travel schedule. And I also need to start thinking about marathon week, and how I can use this great opportunity to bring friends and family together, and do some good in the world. I'm empowered to help myself; but I'm also empowered to help somebody else. I want to bring both to life with equal impact in my days here on Earth. And realizing that is possibly the most exciting thing that has come from doing all of this.

21: Electric Toes

This is a big weekend for runners. Three weeks before the marathon, it's recommended that you run 20 miles in one shot to prepare. After that, it's all taper down. So everywhere you looked around the city today there were small clubs and individuals hitting the Park and the streets. I'm going to do my long run tomorrow.

I knew before I went to bed last night that I'd have to do something today to get out of my funk. I needed an intervention. Something only intenSati could deliver in under an hour. So, I found a free class at 9AM at Equinox, took it, and began taking my cure. After class I plopped myself in the steam room and tried to sweat out all the complication in my life. Ice shower! And then back to sweat again. I left a lot of baggage on that tiled floor.

Next I went with a friend for a pedicure. I haven't had one in a month and it was a complete train wreck down there. Blood blisters, callouses. The poor lady assigned to the job wrapped my feet in acid, scraped, and looked very unsatisfied. I finally had to tell her it was OK, she could stop. "Next week we'll do more," I assured her. When it came time to pick the color, I felt like I need to do something radical to inspire me to run 20 miles! I picked neon pink. I figured, with those electric beauties in my shoes, I'd have added power to keep going! And I love them...

Then I went on to misuse my day entirely by enjoying it and ignoring the millions other things I needed to do. My system was so run down, so depressed and panicked, it took a long while to respond to proper care and treatment. That happens in life. The more you let things slide, the harder it is to bounce back. I do remember that - and yet sometimes it's difficult to prevent it from happening.

At the tail end of the day I decided to take the plunge and buy that darn Garmin watch I've been yapping about. When I went to the store though, I had a new salesperson, and she gave me some new data points about the Garmin that made it seem less ideal (like it doesn't get a signal in Central Park! or indoors! ...and a new model is coming out in a month!) that caused me to redirect to the simple but effective Timex. No bells or whistles. Just the time, the splits, light and easy to use. Done.

I may not have checked a lot off my list today, but I did what it turned out I most needed to do. And what could be more important than that?

22: Serenity Now!

I've been uneasy following last week's half marathon disaster. I've never not pulled it out before. I know "why" it happened, but that doesn't stop me from feeling bad about it, and worried that the same thing will happen when I try for 20 by myself on Sunday.

This has been one of those weeks when I really just wanted to look for an escape hatch. Too much pressure. Too much work. Too many family responsibilities, coupled with travel, and a cold. I couldn't do it all and I'm not used to that. I didn't like it.

Now, it's the weekend, and all I want to do is get in the car and drive to the countryside by myself, check into a B&B in some awesome place in the Berkshires, and do absolutely nothing. No blogging. No email. No presentations. No bills. I wouldn't even bring a suitcase with me - so sick of suitcases.

I'd wear sweatpants and a hoodie, and stash a jog bra in trunk in case I felt like running; but I wouldn't plan on running. NO AGENDA. Just me, the turning leaves, and a bag of marshmallows to roast on some campfire with a bunch of hippies singing, "And the seasons, they go round and round... and the painted ponies go up and down..."

I have forgotten how to breathe. Must find my way again before Monday. Serenity now!

23: Stardust

I just ran a lethargic 2 miles down at the gym. This doesn't make for much of a dazzling report. If I were a celebrity, it might equate to having been caught by the paparazzi coming out of Ralph's in West LA with a cart full of Poland Spring. Light bulbs flashing from every angle! Here she comes! ...Oh wait, she just bought water.

Having a blog is the tiniest slice of celebrity. Not that anyone's ever going to pay me to endorse their products or put me on the cover of a magazine; but I feel slightly set apart in that there are people out there who know much more about me than I know about them. Sometimes these are people I've never met. I'll give you some examples.

This one was the best! I once walked into a trendy boutique jewelry store down in SoHo and, upon seeing me, one of the 6 or so gals behind the counter burst out at the top of her lungs, "Michelle Hates to Run!" She was a friend of a friend and had been following the story for months. Anyway, it was right before Mother's Day and about 12 good husbands on their lunch breaks turned to check me out and chat. That was a rush... and little bit surreal.

Here's another example. Two weeks ago I was crossing 14th street, rushing to get to a sneaker store before it closed, and a woman stopped me in the middle of the street and had a mini freak-out, "Oh my G-d I read your blog!" I have to admit I didn't recognize her at first; she was a work contact more than a year ago and I probably only met her a handful of times; but she was very nice and we chatted a few minutes. Actually, I mostly felt bad that I didn't really know anything about her life and we were just talking about me. I was going to ask, but then I realized I had to get going. At least, she'd understand why. "Sorry, as you know, I'm running a half this weekend; I'm on my way to buy new shoes." She nodded. We parted. I could almost feel myself vaporizing back into her virtual idea of me, my reliable counterpart who shows up every day with a neat musing, insight or report. In real life maybe my appearance wasn't quite such a digestible hit.

Sometimes the encounters leave both parties feeling a little bit spooked. Like last night. I was out in the suburbs for work and was sent to an obscure restaurant I'd never have otherwise been at, let alone on a Wednesday night at 7:30. But there I was. By coincidence - though there are no coincidences it seems - so too was a woman I went to high school with, named Suzanne, whom I've seen once in the last 21 years. Thing is, she's been reading my blog; and just the night before she'd been talking to her brother about it, asking him if he remembered me. So when Suzanne saw me suddenly there in her home town, 20' away from her at the bar, of course she thought it might be a mirage.

We caught up and it was fun, though I think Suzanne remained marginally disconcerted until I left. I do understand how she felt. I'm learning though to just roll with it and understand that "chance encounters" often lead to something interesting. Maybe she'll start running. Maybe I'll take the suggestion she gave me and hike over to the Luxembourg Cafe with my crossword. Maybe it's something entirely different and we can't know yet.

So when the blog is working at its best, it keeps me committed to my running, gives me some practice at writing, but moreover, it creates connections. As long as I maintain privacy about my deep personal self, I don't feel over-exposed or invaded. So, I ran two miles. I've got awesome snot. There's a lot of ice in my freezer. These things I feel comfortable sharing because they're a public persona. You want to know what else I thought about all day today? Don't answer so fast. You might not!

24: Snot Check

Just thought you'd like to know that the sinus mine I blew clean last night has remained vacant, but for a few easy-to-evacuate booger reloads. Nothing fluorescent white. Nothing meaty. Just your Heinz 57 variety snot.

I'm still not back to running. I'm not sure it would have been a good idea to have gone today, since I'm still sick, but I really could have used a 5 mile jog outside in the fall air to clear my mind, sweat it out, and then get a good night's sleep afterwards. I've been under the weather for so long now, traveling, and putting work first, I've lost my sense of balance. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

25: My Body is a Wonderland

I have no idea what I'm made of. I mean, literally. What's under my skin? What's a hamstring and what's an IT band? Running has made me slightly more aware of the machinery beneath the frame (and paint job) but I have a long way to go. And I'm interested.

Tonight I saw a side of myself I've never seen before. I think it was my brains. I'm feeling better, but still so congested. I just went to blow my nose and, with considerable effort, I was able to honk out part of the problem. Only, it wasn't snot, or at least not snot like I've ever seen before... and I feel like, objectively, I've seen a lot of snot in my life.

What came out of my nose tonight was bright white - and meaty. What WAS that? Did I get really wasted and store queso fresco up my nose while I was in Mexico? Gads. I hope now that it's gone I'll snap back to health and feel ready to get back on the road. In the meanwhile, I think I'd better Google snot expressions and make sure I'm in the normal range. My body is a wonderland.

26: Day of Rest

I slept for 12 hours last night and woke up exhausted. My foot's hurting. My calves hurt. My hamstring hurts. Old lady Sanders is breaking down. Not even sure what to do about it other than wait it out, sleep some more, hydrate, try-try-try to relax in moments. Keeping this short as I find myself neither entertaining nor inspirational tonight. 26 days to go and I'm fried and scared. Nobody wants to read that story; I certainly don't want to write it. Good night.

27: Staten Island Dropout

I think it's only fair I tell you the truth about what happened today. I started the Staten Island Half Marathon well after the gun, and then, thanks to a confluence of negative indicators, made the decision to drop out some time after mile five.

First, I am still sick. My head's congested, my ears pop with every blow, and I've got a bit of a catch in my lungs. Nothing terrible. I wouldn't miss work for this; so I figured I wouldn't miss a run. But, I also didn't get much sleep. Four hours. I had a small bit of chocolate around 8PM last night and I'm a sensitive bird - the caffeine wound me up. I also changed my fueling routine this week. I didn't eat pasta on Friday night, carbs Saturday, and then starve Saturday night. I barely ate on Friday and Saturday, actually. Not on purpose - I just wasn't hungry because I was so sick. Then this morning, I didn't have coffee until 7:30AM because I broke my coffee pot, and I didn't eat breakfast as usual, or hydrate, or lick salt, or take a gel before I started running. Not such a great foundation. All that stuff really matters.

Then, I did what you're not supposed to do and I changed other more critical parts of my routine. Instead of shorts, I wore 3/4 length running pants, which I didn't like, and sunglasses, which I did like, and a new pair of Zoot compression socks which were pretty much the death of me. Compression socks are just really, really tight knee socks that are supposed to manage blood flow in your legs to help with your recovery after a race. I had such a hard time recovering from my 18 mile run, and then a pinched calf and hamstring last weekend, it was recommended to me that I might try them. All they did for me was make my legs feel like lead weights, and irritate me. I couldn't take them off though once I started because I didn't have other socks with me to change into.

As if all that weren't enough, at mile two, I got a stabbing pain in my abdomen. "Stomach issues" is how a friend recommended I blog about this. Use your imagination. I was on a stretch with decidedly no bathroom, nothing public at all, except a guard booth in front of what looked like it might be a jail. I could barely walk I was in so much pain. I hobbled to the guard and asked if there was a bathroom inside I could use, knowing she would say no, but having no other choice but to ask.

The guard looked me up and down as a feral cat she seemed very familiar with wound around her legs. No, she said, the only bathroom was in a building a few hundred feet away and it was closed. I pleaded my case thinking, she must have a key - where would she go? She then said she wasn't allowed to take me there, and anyway, it was very dirty. I said I didn't care - better than going behind a parked car! She said to wait a minute.

I waited while she walked all the way into the building and eventually came back to tell me she'd take me to the bathroom, but I needed to show her ID first, and she was going to have to watch me. OK! Whatever. I produced my driver's license and we went.

When all that was over, I was ready to drop out. The guard looked disappointed and encouraged me to keep going. I really had only lost 20 or so minutes. There were still people on the course. I blew my nose for the 5th time and set off again.

Not long after that, my right foot started to give me a lot of trouble. I forgot to wear my compression wrap today for some reason and I felt it. That plus the compression socks started to make both of my calves throb, especially the right one. I don't mean like a little mild pulsing - I mean, clenching pain - cramps.

I stopped to reflect on my situation. My stomach still wasn't right. My legs were like lead. My foot was as bad as ever. I even started to get a dusty film on my forehead, a symptom of not having had enough salt in the days before. I thought, what AM I doing? This isn't fun. I'm not feeling challenged. I've always wondered when might be the right moment to actually drop out of a race and I think this might be it! Just then my friend Sarah passed me in the opposite direction, crossed the median, and came over to hug me! I said, "Don't wait for me!" which made me feel better because I'd been worried that I would make her miss a ferry back, since they only run on the hour. Sarah went on to have a PR! Go Sarah!!! And she ended up waiting for me anyway - such a good friend.

After I hit 5 miles, I started asking volunteers where I could pick up the infamous "sweeper" bus; but nobody knew. Eventually, I found a volunteer (hey Christine!) who suggested I just wait 45 minutes for the volunteer bus which would be coming by; turns out there is no sweeper bus! Just an empty threat to keep runners motivated!

I ended up having a great chat with Christine, who was actually at the Disney Wine & Dine Half Marathon last weekend too, and she seconded the awful conditions and organization at that race. She's done the Goofy Marathon down there, and lots of other marathons and halves, and gave me some great advice!

The volunteer bus took me to the finish. Not for one minute did I regret my decision. Today just wasn't a good day for me. I wasn't prepared. I've got injuries that weren't rested, iced and healed enough. I was sick. The socks were a super-bad idea. When I took them off on the ferry back, every vein in my feet pulsed up through the skin like navy blue electrical cords! It was kind of scary.

I guess every real runner has dropped out of a race some time. Usually I have some kind of fear motivating me but I'm feeling less and less afraid of things since I started this journey. Reality isn't so bad, most of the time; and when it is, it's OK to acknowledge that and take action to make yourself more comfortable. I've played with the idea of dropping out so many times that in a strange way, I feel powerful today to have really done what I've wanted to do before. That, at least, mitigates some of the shame, disappointment, and concern I also feel about not sticking to my schedule. I'm trying to keep it in perspective though. I'm sick. It's just one race. And, let's face it, I'll have my chance to run in Staten Island again soon enough. Verrazano, or bust.

28: En Garde, Brooklyn!

I'm home sick in bed today. Congestion migrating down from my sinuses to my chest. Every time I blow my nose I pop my ears and release what feels like a head full of yellow yum. You know, classic cold symptoms. Nothing special, nothing I don't know how to handle; just have to sweat it out, drink a lot, and wait.

I've got reading material with me. The NYT, a marathon guide book that arrived in the mail last week, and boat loads of emails to read and photos and videos to sort through and upload. While in iPhoto just now, I wandered. Way back to the beginning, or the beginning of iPhoto, as it were. Past loves, past jobs, past Halloweens, past pets, and past races. I see patterns.

The quality of my smile is very different with different people. I look best in pink. I never lose my sunglasses. Nothing compares to a salon blow out. I've had some pretty awesome work experiences. I'm always on the right side in a group shot. And Jesus Christ I've made progress with running! I don't think I really have been appreciating that... and I need to right about now.

Ten months ago I ran my first race, the Bedford Turkey Trot. It was only 3.1 miles and my pace was 13:30. I knew nothing about dressing for the weather, or fueling. I struggled the whole way. I was just excited to finish and not be the last one to cross the finish line.

Now I've completed three half marathons, the latest of which was down at the Mouse's East Coast headquarters. My race pace there was 13:03 - and I was pretty bummed about that. But really? Am I being fair to myself? That's :27 seconds faster than my first race pace, stretched out over more than 4x the distance! If that isn't progress then I don't know what is...

That said, I'd really like a sub 11:53 pace (my Brooklyn Half pace) tomorrow as I run over the garbage dumps of Staten Island in what will be my fourth half marathon. Sure, mouse beats turkey; but will Staten Island beat Brooklyn? It's a battle of the boroughs. If my cold will retreat for the day, then I'm going to give Brooklyn a run for its money.

29: Doubts

My cold feels like it's maturing and I'm hoping it (and my ear ache from flying) reach a timely death by tomorrow morning so that when I run the Staten Island Half Marathon on Sunday, I'm feeling strong. I need a good race to reinstate my confidence. The Disney half left me with doubts.

"Doubt" is a funny word. I've been thinking a lot about it this week because of a quirk in the way Mexicans use it in place of the word "question." So, if they want to say, "Let me know if you have questions," instead they say, "Let me know if you have any doubts." It must be taught that way in some national English text book because I've never met a native Mexican speaker who didn't make the mistake.

Anyway, this has got me thinking about the interchangeability of the words doubt and question. If I take my feelings of doubt and re-label them "questioning," a lightness creeps in. My fate isn't sealed. Every day is an opportunity to learn about how I'm going to complete this task... and my doubts, or my questions, are part of the path to the answer. Maybe the Mexicans aren't so much wrong as they are emotionally sensitive.

30: One Month to Go!

OK, I am freaking out. Do I really only have 30 days left to make up for two months of interrupted training? I am working through my now various aches and pains; but will what I have planned for the next four weeks be enough to get me through? I can only do my best at this point and that’s what I am doing.

As it turns out, I couldn't run today. Last night quite suddenly an annoying sore throat turned into a bad head cold, but only on one side of my head. I felt dizzy, congested and miserable, and I had to go home around 11PM and take a sleeping pill supplied to me by the advertising agency I’m here with. (Good to know the ad agency is still good for drugs. Thought that went away with the 90s.)

Anyway, today I am better but not enough so that I’d run. So today became an unplanned day of rest. Not sure when I would have gotten a run in, anyway. Packed schedule morning to night. It’s so hard to do it all!

31: Ready For My Punishment

Let's face it, I'm living a bit of a charmed life right now. I've got too much of a good thing. It isn't fair and I know it. If for no other reason, I need running in my life to provide balance.

Want to know what I mean? I woke up this morning under a canopy bed in a tent in the jungle mountains of Veracruz. Birds were chirping. A nice little Mexican couple stopped by and left a thermos of hot coffee on my porch. After a shower, I squeezed my own OJ and boarded a bus to a private jet that would take me back to Mexico City.

There, I dined on vegetarian Mexican delicacies, and worked at a job I love to do. Now I will soon be off to one of the best restaurants in Mexico, Izote, where I will decidedly NOT be ordering the hot buttered ant eggs like I did last spring. Later in the evening, I have to attend a lecture at an historic site, followed by a cockatil making demonstration being given by one of the world's best mixologists, flown in especially for this night from Sweden. His name is Mohamed. (I'm trying to get my head around that one.)

You can see why I deserve a bit of a smack-down. Date with the treadmill tomorrow... just the two of us. I hope I get it good!

32: 3M Group Run in Veracruz

I figured one day I’d finally break down and try running with a group; but I never expected my first time to be with a bunch of work mates from all around the world. We are down in Mexico this week for a summit and, during introductions, we realized many of us had more than just a parent employer (and belief in brand) in common. We like to run.

Six of us (Andrea, Amanda, Doron, Nicholas and Billy) decided to go for a 3 mile run in the morning in the mountains of Veracruz, where we are working today. All of the above have finished marathons or triathlons in the last few years, so I knew I wasn’t going to be able to keep up the whole way, but I pushed myself hard and didn’t fall back until the half-way point. The air was thin and my hamstring was giving me trouble. I wasn’t embarrassed or anything though because I did my best.

The scenery along the run was so beautiful. I wish I’d brought my camera to share images with you of the lush jungle, the wild flowers, the donkeys, roosters and dogs I passed along the way. The only downside was that I felt a tiny bit scared on the second half by myself because kidnapping is a real issue in Mexico, and, of course, I was vulnerable without the others.

While the “group” aspect of today's run was as disconcerting as I’ve always feared it might be, in a lot of ways there were positives I hadn’t expected. We talked. Well, they talked and I mostly listened. That was much better than listening to an iPod. It’s not like we even talked about anything important. I mean, we talked about Kim Kardashian. But it made the time fly as we learned about each other and voiced personal opinions. None of us had met in person before this trip so it was a great way to bond and connect without culture barriers or the complications we might get caught up in over email and phone while in our international work roles.

I’m thinking now that I really want to find a running partner in NYC, someone my height and speed, and with similar goals and availability. I wish I had a twin I could force to go running with me.

This past year has been all about getting to know myself, and building confidence in what I feel. Maybe next year will be all about sustaining that self-awareness and respect in the company of a group. If nothing else, I’m sure I’d enjoy a little competition with someone other than myself. Plus, how else will I keep up with the Kardashians?

33: My Recycled Silver Lining

I wasn't going to admit this but, I kept the disposable silver foil warming blanket I was given after the Disney half. Why? Because I'm a little sentimental, I guess. It was light and easy to fold up into my bag. Never in a million years did I think I'd be using it again the very next night.

I'm in glorious Mexico on business this week and spent my first night at my favortite hotel, the boutique Hotel de Cortes, which is a converted old monastery in the middle of Mexico City's historic district. We took the whole place over for a brand summit. I've had giant suites there before but this time, my room was smaller and the air conditioning was overwhelming. I tried turning it off with the various remotes with Spanish instructions but all I managed to do was turn the fan off. I was freezing...

Somewhere around 1AM I got the desperate idea to dig out my silver foil warming "blanket," wrap myself in it, and get back into bed. Totally did the trick, although I must admit I woke myself up with the loud crinkling every time I rolled over throughout the night.

Tonight I'm in the mountains of Veracruz, an hour flight away from Mexico City, where we have no phone or Blackberry service; but by the grace of our own invention, have wireless internet. (I believe we made the eco lodge we're staying at install it just for us.) I am typing to you now from my own private tent, complete with a canopy bed. Heaven...

Anyway, if it's cold tonight, which it just might be, my blanket's going to be recycled yet again!

34: Disney Half Marathon (2:50:57/13:03)

The Disney Wine & Dine Half Marathon was my third half marathon, and my first big out-of-town race, and not at all what I expected. I'm used to New Yorkers on my heels - fast out of the gate, fit and serious. Not so much at Disney!

When I finally got to the holding area last night it was 8PM. They require you to be there by 7:30PM for a 10PM start because organizing 10,000 people with cars and bags is a bit complicated. By the time I got through traffic, alteratively driving 80pm in 30mph zones and sitting still in traffic for patches, the corals were in full party mode. I sat on the sidelines with my eyes shut, rubbing my foot, and trying to lower my heartrate and focus, but it was hard.

Roughly a quarter of the participants around me were dressed up in costumes - some with twinkle lights blinking in their hair and clothing. There were teams of Incredibles, Tinkerbells with wings, packs in Princess skirts, brides and grooms running together, and an array of Mickey and Minnie Mouse ear headbands.

Fuel belts were overflowing with things to eat and drink along the way. People carried cameras, iPhones, big over-the-head earphones, and I saw a lot of the highest end Garmins. The girls who weren't in costume were totally matchy-matchy with running skirts, brightly colored knee socks, and the Sweaty Bands grosgrain ribbon headbands they were selling at the Expo. It all reminded me of... well, me... 10 months ago.

I also noticed, there was a lot of tape on knees; and I wondered, are these good runners? Is there going to be a massive meltdown at some point along the course when all these superheros and enthusiasts start shedding their cartoon accessories...

The first half mile wasn't so much running as it was a cattle migration along a highway. There was lots of cheering and talking. Why didn't people start running? It was very strange. I was so tired. I just wanted to get going and get it all over with.

Within about 7 minutes, I found myself jogging comfortably behind two little Asian gals who were dressed alike, and running in unison. I imagined they had trained together for a long time. They never seemed to fall out of step and shifted seamlessly in the crowd. There was a Ninja quality to their synchronization, so I tried pretending they were my bodyguards, leading the way for me in this pack of freaks! I let them pace me for four boring miles of dark highway.

Then I needed a walk break and Ninjas don't walk for nobody, so I had to drop back. There was an emptiness rising in me, a sense that there wasn't much gas left in the tank; but I still had 9 miles to go. Both of my feet were sore, and the right one was throbbing with pain, and then all of a sudden I felt a bad pinch in my calf that quickly shot up into my hamstring. Oh no! Big trouble... What was that? I ran, walked and limped through it as much as I could, hoping it would go away.

From miles 6 to 10 we ran through the Animal Kingdom and Hollywood Studios, which provided a much needed distraction. Staff lined the way, some in full body costume, and cheered enthusiastically! I got into it doling out the high-5s, smiling, and taking water and Gatorade. Runners with their own cameras pulled off the course for photos with Disney characters who stood in front of step-and-repeats.

After mile 10, I was in desperate pain. I tried using some cooling gel from a medical station, stretching, walking. Nothing helped. I lost all hope of finishing with a respectable time, and so did what most of the rest of the crowd was doing by then and took an ungodly number of walk breaks.

The homestretch of the race was like a war zone. Many people seemed to be struggling to walk it in. The road was littered with discarded Shot Blocks, gels, cups and costume parts. I crossed the finish line running, but my time was nothing close to a PR. I took myself directly to the "self help" nursing station and had ice bound to my foot. I ignored the hamstring and calf because I didn't know whether I was supposed to ice them. The medical tent was so innundated there wasn't anyone to ask.

Eventually, I started to shiver from being wet and cold; someone gave me my first ever heat blanket (wow they totally work!) and it was only then that I started to revive enough to notice the total chaos around me. Beyond the medical station, runners were lining the sides of the finish area, lying on the ground attempting to recover enough to get to baggage. Every few minutes you'd hear a crowd scream, "Nurse!" as a runner fainted, or crumbled under the pain of a leg cramp. Everywhere people were hold ice and looking absolutely wrecked. We were a sea of amateurs.

I waited in the most disorganized baggage retreival line I've ever experienced. Strange for a place like Disney where everything runs with Germanic precision. I mean, they can tell you to the minute how long you're going to have to wait to get onto the Peter Pan ride, but a bunch of plastic bags with numbers on them is a problem? After I finally got my bag, I walked through Epcot to the tram. The half mile felt like an eternity. My eyes were shutting and my leg was in stabbing pain with every step. I stopped for a mini fondue with croutons though. I break for fondue - even at what was by then 3AM!

When I got home I sat in an ice bath for 10 minutes, followed by a hot shower, and then lay in bed for a long time with my leg elevated, trying to fall asleep. I didn't feel accomplished or elated in any way. I felt in pain. I've never run in pain like that for so long - new pain.

I slept for 5 hours and then got up and went swimming, which felt good. 24 hours later, I'm still feeling pain in my calf and hamstring, but absolutely no pain or soreness anywhere else, which is great news! I am going to rest as much as possible this week while on business in Mexico. Staten Island Half Marathon in 6 days. Oh, and Yurbuds? Absolutely amazing. Best sound quality ever and they never fell out even once. Highly recommend!

Chip Time 2:50:57 (Pace 13:03)
Overall Place 4758 / 7275
Gender Place 2681 / 4598
Division Place 521 / 817
Age Grade 39.9%
5K Split 34:57 (Pace 11:15)
10K Split 1:12:34 (Pace 11:41)
15K Split 1:56:18 (Pace 12:29)

35: Zombie Baby

My Half Marathon starts at 10pm tonight (yes, you read that right) so I spent the day at Disney World with my close childhood friend Amy and her perfect 3 year old "big boy" Alex.

Here's what not to do the day of a night race... Spend 8 hours walking around in the heat, lifting up and carrying a 35 lb wiggle worm who is hopped up on high fructose corn syrup and chocolate cake, and is desperately in need of a nap but isn't getting one any time soon.

I'm super fast with games of distraction. Won't eat? No problem - food gets carved into shapes. Won't poop - I have a storehouse of effective bribes for that. Wandering off and racing ahead - things I find in my bag get turned into toys. I've got songs and stories and there's always ice to play with. To quote Amy yesterday, "You realize you are entertaining about 15 kids right now!" True that - little necks were craning around snaked 40 minute lines to watch me teach Alex a dance move.

All easy fun for me while there is a basic energy level to work with, but sometime after 3pm, the wall rises up and all that's left is a zombie baby... Eyes wide, mumbling something about blankie (which we left in the car because it was 90 degrees), and Amy and I frantically determined to get one more ride in, or maybe three.

I didn't want to say but at about that time, my feet and legs started to be noticeably sore. I'd taken 45 minutes off after lunch to ice my foot, but on little sleep myself, in the heat, and constantly lifting Amy's little sack of zombie goodness, I was starting to melt down too.

When we finally got out of the park, we were well off schedule. Poopy diapers will do that to you. I grabbed a vegetable spring roll from a cart for dinner (what NOT to eat before a race, by the way) and in the end barely made it to the start on time. Forgot my Nike+ attachment, Vaseline, wristband, and was so tired I lay in the holding pen for 2 hours before the race rubbing my feet and wondering how I was going to keep my eyes open for another three hours, let alone run!

As 10pm approached, people started turning on their light up costumes. A band played. I reluctantly cued up for the port-a-potty. And then, with a few fireworks and the National Anthem, we were off into the darkness...

36: Yurbuds

If you work out with headphones, like I do, then you need to know about Yurbuds. I would like to meet the entrepreneur behind them because not only do they address a real need, but they're selling at a price that might very well represent the free world's highest ever mark-up! Retail price at expo: $20. Estimated COGs: $0.04 + packaging. Yet, not for one second do I think they were over priced.

Yurbuds.com. I'm going to try them out tomorrow night when I run my third half marathon her in Orlando, the Disney Wine + Dine, and I will give you a report.

Meanwhile, I am eating carbs and protein, drinking lots of water and licking my Himalayan salt block. And now, to bed...with dreams of M-I-C-K-E-Y in my head.