Day 111: Owl Hunting

For the first 30 or so years of my life I was generally sleep deprived. I thought I was a confirmed night owl because I naturally came alive at night and wanted to stay up late (like, until 4am...); but I wasn't sure. Was I a night owl by nature, or only because by the time morning came, I was too tired to be any sort of decent morning person. On the rare occasions when I'd get a good night's sleep and see the sun rise, I loved it and wanted more... but I could never figure out how to see two sunrises in a row.

I looked for the positives in my patterns, and didn't work too hard to change my ways. I've always had jobs that favored a night owl existence so I'd leverage that, and send awesomely poignant emails at 3am, ahead of everybody else's day. (Yes, I used to be that colleague you hate.) So, I just stayed as I was, and bumbled around in a bit of a fog during daylight. And maybe, this lifestyle even served me in other ways because, when you're tired, it's easier to ignore what is disappointing. The dramas don't seem quite so dramatic. That can be a good thing.

When I started running in November, however, I suddenly had to change my ways. You simply can't get up and run at 6am if you haven't had at least 6 hours of sleep. It doesn't work. The body doesn't move - it just stands there. And the only thing worse than going running at 6am on a cold day is going standing at 6am on a cold day. So, I started putting myself to bed.

In the last week or so, though, I haven't had to run in the morning. My mid-week training has been happening at night - mostly because the distances are long enough that it would be hard for me to finish them and get to work on time. So, my natural sleep/wake cycle has crept in again silently... to devastating effects!

One night this week I found myself up at 4:30 am putzing around, writing, Googling, reading email and not even thinking about sleeping. By the time I noticed the clock, I had just 2 hours before I'd have to get up and start preparing for work... In the days to follow, I suffered. I noticed, perhaps for the first time in my life, how truly bad it feels to be walking around like a zombie. Sure, some of the stresses were softened by my own exhaustion, but more often they were exaggerated. Physically, I felt worn. My head felt hollow. My passion for exercise fizzled. I ate reasonably, but food didn't feel energizing like it had started to since I began running. Overall, I just wasn't a well oiled machine. I felt discombobulated!

So, now that I'm conscious of this distinction, I can make a choice about how I want to take care of myself. I have the answer to a question I held most of my life!! As it turns out, I am a night owl by nature, but a morning person by nurture. And in my life today, nurture is the boss. So, the next time I see myself trending towards nocturnal dominance, I'm going to declare it owl hunting season!