Day 105: Orange Colored Sky

My iPod froze irreversibly for the third time last night. I had to let the battery die out completely in order to start it up again. The thought of having to run without my constant companion was too much to bear, so I decided to preempt the potential disaster of its freezing permanently mid-run, and just get a new one.

I went to the Apple store on E. 59th Street and turned my little square blue classic in for a 10% discount on a shiny new 16 GB Nano. I spent more than a few moments contemplating the colors. Last time it had been easy - powder blue - lovely to look at, it flatters me, it's cross-seasonal, and feminine without being juvenile.

This time though the choice of colors was a lot harder. All the options were bold, defining... What kind of statement was I looking to make right now in my life? People think these things don't matter, but I think they do. Colors give and sustain moods. They telegraph social cues. I weighed the options.

Immediately, I was drawn to the orange. I always am. Orange is my favorite color. I don't wear orange or decorate with it, but it's the color of my soul. I am orange on the inside. As a kid I wasn't so concerned with appearing tasteful, so I wore my orange on the outside.

My love of orange spans music, flowers and even food. Nat King Cole's "Orange Colored Sky" is my favorite song. The most meaningful bouquet of flowers I've ever received was a dozen orange roses for Valentine's Day. And interestingly, at least to me, I'm insatiably attracted to eating anything that is orange - always have been. Apricot nectar, mango, oranges. As a kid, I ate so many carrots that I got carotene poisoning!

But like I said, I don't decorate with orange, or wear orange now. It's too powerful a color for me to surround myself with - it stirs and provokes me. It begs me to be front and center all the time and I don't have the energy for that; or at least, I never did. Until now I've surrounded myself with light blue and cream, so soothing and quiet.

Next I considered red. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Why not turn this extravagant purchase into a gift of love to myself! So romantic and sentimental of me! I tried that on for size, imaging myself carrying the red Nano around with me in May, June, July, remembering all the while that this was my Valentine's gift to myself. That started to annoy me a lot. It's just an iPod. It's equipment. Not a romantic gift.

What about green? Green is fresh and so mod. I'm fresh and mod. I'd be like those kids down on the Lower East Side partying it up until 4am and then lining up for tacos from the Calexico cart. Where are my Diesel pants and "be stupid" messenger bag to go with this Kelly green mini boom box on a wire? But, I got tired just thinking about trying to be that person... No way green!

How about pink? The pink was a fluorescent pink I would have been proud to have carried in 1987. It would have matched my scratch and sniff Swatch perfectly. I liked it, but wondered if it would look like breast cancer research support swag strapped to my arm while I was running. Not that that would have been a "bad" thing, but just not what I was going for.

Black? Grey? Everything I do is black and grey and I'm feeling less black and grey by the day...

Yellow? Oh no they didn't! I'll bet they only made 1,000 yellows for the whole globe. Who picks yellow? Big bird? When he wants to match his accessories to his feathers? Yellow... I considered asking for it at the desk just to see if they even had any in stock. Doubtful. It was a pretty yellow, though. Maybe if I liked bananas...

I kept returning to the orange. It might feel very vulnerable to be wearing a piece of my orange soul on the outside for all to see, and judge. I am orange and everything you associate with it - cheerful, bright, vibrant... and polarizing. Would it match with all my running gear? Did I need to match? Maybe now is the moment to just be who I am, orange, and not think about it or apologize for it. Time to just be, and see what happens.

I tried to explain my dilemma to the sales woman, reviewing the psychology of each color to her like a complete and total crazy person. She nodded encouragingly as I came to a conclusion on each option. Her hair was teased out big, and her coke bottle thick glasses made me feel like she was staring at me intently, really caring. She was nice. In the end, she seemed slightly disappointed with my color choice. She wanted me to get the pink. Or the red, because part of the proceeds would go to charity. I bought the orange.

Today was a day or rest from running but I had the opportunity to take Jolynn's intenSati class at Lululemon. It was wicked awesome. I punched and kicked my way to spiritual and physical serenity! I can feel my core strength and stamina improving every time I take that class. That darn girl is still crushing me - in a good way! You've got to try it out.

I'm actually feeling very scared to run 11 miles tomorrow. I'm not going to wear my new orthotics. Too painful. I got more Sport Beans, and even some Gooey Glide or something like that for feet, which is supposed to help prevent blisters. I hope the path isn't too wet and mucky. I hope it warms up and is sunny. No matter what it actually is, I'm going to turn my new iPod on and imagine myself running under the most perfect, orange colored sky.

Photo Footnote: Age 3 and dressing myself out loud!