Day 120: 12 Miles In Miami

I'm in Miami on business and took myself outside today to run 12 miles in 2:34'05". That nets a pace of 12:50 per mile, which is only one second slower than the pace I achieved running 11 miles. My Nike+ told me I burned 1,400 calories. Woo hoo!

It's sunny and hot down here in South Beach. I bought some lovely rose hip sun block at the gift shop ($8 for 4 oz... oh the insanity!) and set out early on a route that would take me on a loop around the whole of the island. I've been to Miami countless times, but have never ventured off the strip; I was expecting to see interesting things but I had no idea the kind of variety I was in for!

I am staying at the super swankers Fontainbleau at 43rd and Collins, so started my run there and went south along Collins to South Pointe Park, which is just below 1st Street, at the southern most tip of the island. Then I turned right up Alton Road and continued to 41st Street, turned right again and crossed the island back to Collins. When I hit the Fontainbleau I'd completed 8.5 miles and so went inside to finish with 3.5 miles on the treadmill.

I'd initially intended to run the whole thing outdoors, going all the way up to 63rd Street and looping back down on Collins, but the sun was so strong I was going through more water than usual (44 oz by the 7th mile and had no place to stop and fill up again above 41st Street). Also, my sunblock was melting off in pools of sweat as I roasted in the rising sun. I kept reapplying but 4 oz only goes so far and I could feel my eyelids sizzling... I'm all for getting tan, but a burn is no fun, especially on an airplane. So, I consulted my map and rolled with it and took it indoors for the last part. No biggie.

The run itself was amazing. I got to see the "real" Miami, the one you whiz past in your taxi but had no idea was there. Within minutes I passed my first Orthodox Jewish couple walking. She was in the usual frumpy attire and he, full black coat and an elaborate "lamp shade" style fur hat that was at least 24" in diameter. Seriously.

In contrast, I was wearing the most body revealing running outfit I own. Tight black spandex camel-toe inducing shorts, and a tight V-neck tank top. With this I was wearing my big water belt with a white hotel hand towel hanging down from it in the front. Super attractive! I'd never leave my apartment looking like this in NYC, but for 12 miles, in a place where I know nobody, I figured I'd just wear my highest performing gear and check my vanity at the door. Of course, walking through the hotel lobby was a dangerous proposition... but I took the risk.

The religious Jews on the street didn't seem to notice me. They were in their own world, bickering about something as they walked along, he slightly in front of her. I'm guessing they also didn't notice (or maybe weren't even aware of) the rest of the Miami I know. Their home was just 20 blocks from the Blue Door, but they will never know its pleasures! That made me sad for them, and grateful that my own grandfather, though very religious himself, encouraged my mother to be Conservative, and she in turn encouraged me to be Reform... I'll probably encourage my kids to be Conservative or Reform, and Buddhist! Every generation gets to add a little spin!

Along the way two separate women age 60+ saw me and stopped what they were doing to cheer me on enthusiastically! "Go girl! You look great!" one said bending at the knee and giving me two big thumbs up! Now, I did NOT look great but I knew what she meant and her words were like a booster shot. She looked a little like my friend Kristen's mom and it made me think about how much I wished my own mom were supporting me. A thumbs up from her would probably make me fall apart with happiness! I guess I just have to get my thumbs up where I can. Thank you to that kind stranger.

I met the second lady at a big intersection where we were both crossing. She asked me how far I was going, how long I'd been running, why I started... I kept thinking we were done but then she kept asking more questions. When the light finally turned white, she smiled so broadly at me and sent me off with a, "Good for you!" and that sustained me for another mile. She was wearing a workout suit. I wondered if she'd ever been a runner. I think for the rest of my life, whenever I see a runner who looks like he or she needs encouragement, I'm going to give it enthusiastically! It really does help.

In the last leg of my run I passed several Orthodox Jewish families coming home from shul with their gaggles of children all dressed in Purim costumes. Now, in my world, when you dress for Purim, it's as one of the characters from the story of Purim. I've been Esther. I've been Vashti. Who wouldn't want to be a princess! But not these kids. I guess since they probably don't celebrate Halloween, at Purim they were allowed to go as whatever they liked. In one family with 7 kids under 10 (parents both looked no more than 25...you do the math), there was a green faced witch, a robot, Charlie Chaplin, Raggedy Ann, a ballerina and a doctor! The seventh kid was a very little boy who hung back from the group and wasn't wearing a costume.

At an intersection, we all stood waiting for the light to change and I also hung back, slightly embarrassed about my attire. The little boy turned around and stared at me for a moment before he asked in English with a strange little accent that made him seem like an 80 year old from Brighton Beach, "What are you dressed as?" I blinked, surprised to hear him speaking, and then said, "I'm dressed as a Marathon runner." "Oh," he said and kept staring. I added, "Boo Haman!" and stamped my feet, "Yay Maccabees!" and cheered. I thought if he was scared of me, it might help for me to let him know I was one of the Tribe. I don't think he bought that though. The parents vaguely turned around and noticed the exchange but didn't seem to care. I had the passing thought that they were trying to lose the little boy, the runt on the end who talked to strangers and either didn't want to, or wasn't allowed to dress up for Purim for some reason... Then they were all off and I quickly ran ahead of them thinking it would have been funny to have written Haman on the soles of my shoes today.

One little trick I'd like to share from today's run. I stopped to fill my water bottle in a hotel lobby's bathroom at one point and the taste of the water was so bad... I got the idea to drop a Sport Bean into the water and that was quite successful. One bean and the entire 22 oz tasted like a refreshing lemonade. Highly recommend!

Right now, my hips, legs and knees ache. Even my boobs hurt. A lot. That's a new one. My left foot (where it's bled before) isn't in great shape. No bleeding today, but a lot of pain. I don't think I've felt this worked-over in a very long time... I know it was 12 miles, but I'm surprised by how much my calves throb. I had to go right to work after the 12 miles, so I was standing for 6 hours. And then after work, I walked home on the boardwalk - about 3.5 miles in flip flops. I know. I'm crazy.

Day 119: More For Less

My friend Doug posted this article about Interval Training on his Facebook page and joked that he was already Interval Training by running 30 minutes once every 30 days. Ha ha. Right? http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100226/ap_on_he_me/eu_med_intense_exercise

Turns out maybe that isn't so crazy after all. In fact, that's how I've been living most of my life outside of running, until now. I'll do next to nothing for 60% of the time, and then come in with a jackhammer and give 300% for the remaining 40%, and over-deliver on my net results. Net is all we care about, right?

...but then came running. Nobody has ever before suggested I could train for the Marathon by running one day a week - super intense, or otherwise. I mean, that's ridiculous. So, I had to learn something new. No way around it. I had to become a girl who toils away daily and chips at her little block with tiny tools. If this article is right that I didn't need to run as frequently as I have been, and I could have just ramped up my intensity and gone out there one freezing day a week, or a month, well then I'm gonna be real pissy.

The article trips itself up though when it says the intense day isn't supposed to be so intense that your breath is labored, or that you're really exhausted. Has this journalist ever gone running? One's breath is always labored when running, if you're new. I'm always exhausted during and after! It's running, for G-d's sake!

I don't know. I'm not going to be so quick to buy into the Interval Trainng method. If I just slammed it home once a week, well then, I might miss the pleasure of writing daily, and all the insights that come with taking on an endeavor such as attempting to dig a hole out of prison using a nail file. I wouldn't trade this experience for the world; so no thank you to the power drill. You can have it! I'm going to earn my freedom the old fashioned way, one chunk of cement at a time.

Now, in the spirit of daily toiling, I'm attaching a video I took this week of Mexican Fire Ants fulfilling their destiny, one chunk at a time. Either that, or there was some kind of Half Marathon for Ants down in Veracruz, Mexico! Enjoy...

Day 118: 5 Miles At Sunrise

Game on! I took myself to the gym this morning at the crack of dawn and ran 5 miles on the treadmill. All I can say is, don't lose faith in me quite yet... I know I can do a mental number on myself on down days, and that's a drag to listen to; but when I'm back, I'm back! Thank you to my buddies who encouraged me not to think of a few days off as an apocalypse. What would I do without you? XOXOX

I started with a warm up walk and then the first two miles were hard going. I went maggot style at maybe 4.6 mph. Then, by the end of mile 3, I was up to 5 mph, which is where I'm most comfortable over a long run. For the last mile I took it up to 6.2 mph. Nothing super fast today and that was fine with me.

I've still got a food hangover from my 4 days of Mexican debauchery! I burned 550 calories in today's effort, which should help offset whatever damage I do today at the South Beach Wine & Food Festival. I'm going to be on my feet working all day in sneakers, and then out tonight, so it's not like I'm planning to sit down with a plate of ribs; but still, you know, I'm pretty sure I won't be having cottage cheese with pineapple for lunch.

My next run down here will be outside and I'm looking forward to hearing the sound of the ocean, watching the sun rise again across the surface of the water, and feeling the breeze as I go. I kind of like the idea of doing a short run right on the sand, maybe 3 miles? Would I do that barefoot or in shoes? I've never run on the beach before; I have no clue how you do it. Then I am scheduled to tackle a 12 mile run on Sunday and of course I'll do that outside. I need to map out a route, plan what to wear, and psych myself up... because 12 miles sounds like a damn lot!

Day 117: Calle Nada

Not only didn't I run 5 miles yesterday, but I just found out I can't run in the race I'm signed up for this Friday. It was to have been an 8K run through historic Calle Ocho in Miami. I was really excited for it; I've never been to the Old City and my training schedule called for a 5 mile race on this very day, so I thought it was kismet... Guess not.

Work calls. That's what I'll be in South Beach for, after all, so I do have to make it a priority! When I was planning my running schedule, I didn't think I was going to be invited to attend this major event on Friday night, but then a ticket just surfaced, thanks to a new and powerful connection! For a split second I almost declined (running first?) but quickly came to my senses. Turn down a ticket to Bubble-Q on the beach at the Delano? What am I, crazy? It's the party of the season! Emeril's hosting. Everyone will be there. Fuck running. (For a day.)

Of course, missing a race doesn't mean I can't run at all. I think I will have to find a way to squeeze in 5 miles before I go to work in the morning. Otherwise, I'm gonna feel even worse than I do now having missed the 5 mile run yesterday. Plus, I really, really need to burn some calories. I've been eating almost non-stop since I landed in Mexico. No mole has gone un-sampled... no cocktail left to warm...

I've had two coaching friends both tell me not to worry about falling off schedule for a few days. They stress, it's a long distance challenge. Nothing that happens this week is going to damage my chances of completing the NYC Marathon. I know they're right, but I still get so scared because one day off and it's like I forget I ever ran at all. I saw a guy running on the side of the road in Mexico City this morning (which is unusual) and my first thought was, "Why would anyone do that?" Old habits die hard. New habits are hard-won. Especially when there's cheese and tortillas at every turn to distract you.

Day 116: Odio Correr

Such a failure today... I was planning to run at dawn this morning but Veracruz was hit with a vigorous rainstorm. I don't have any waterproof running clothes with me so there was no way I could go out. My backup plan was to run later in the afternoon in Mexico City; we were taking an 11am flight there and my schedule looked like it had a 2 hour hole between afternoon appointments and dinner. I'd be staying at a hotel with a gym - voila, Plan B.

But of course things didn't go as planned; it's Mexico! We started on our way to the airport when we learned the fog was so bad the planes had all been grounded, indefinitely. Instead of flying to Mexico City from Veracruz, we were going to drive... for 5 hours. Ayyyy!

By the time we hit MEX, we were late for our lunch appointment but went anyway, and lingered for hours. It's Mexico. And really, it was fabulous; but, I ate and drank in a manner that was not exactly conducive to running, to put it mildly. I started with a Kahlúa and club soda, then had a bloody Mary, and then drank white wine with lunch... followed by an espresso. Zero water during all of this. I ate several kinds of fish with hot sauces, and meat, bread and tostadas, salad, pickled vegetables, and rice. We shared meringue strawberry shortcake, fig cheesecake, and banana cream pie for dessert.

After lunch everyone went to a cantina to drink but I went back to the hotel to work. I sat at my desk attempting to connect to the internet, reading files, and longing to run up to the gym... but also feeling so full and gross, I couldn't imagine moving more than 2 mph! Finally, the team came back from the cantina and told me we still had an hour off before we'd leave for the next cantina, and then dinner. (I'm going to explode. Help!) I decided I needed to at least try to get some activity in. I threw my running clothes on and ran up to the gym with the best intentions.

There was one treadmill in the gym and the belt was loose. My iPod was somehow completely drained and I couldn't get the volume on the TV to go up. I turned the machine on and just started walking. I couldn't go faster than 4.7 mph, and couldn't keep that up for more than a quarter of a mile. My head was throbbing. My legs wouldn't move. The view of the sun setting over Mexico City, with the Cathedral silhouetted in the background, was lovely; and it's Mexican "flag day" today, so there are marching bands playing in the square outside. Still, all I wanted to do was stop moving, stop running, and lie down. After just half a mile I quit. I'm a quitter! I was so miserable. The gym is on the same floor as the rooftop bar and people were starting to congregate, and kept looking in at me as I dragged along the belt. It was awful. I hated it. It made me doubt this whole process, and remember how much I hate to run.

I am supposed to be running an 8k race in Miami on Friday, just 2 days from now. It'll be hot and a challenge. I do not have a reprieve from eating and drinking like a rock star between now and then, either, so I'm wondering how I'm going to pull it off. I feel like I need to detox from this trip already, sleep, and get my spirits back up - and it's only been 3 days! I mean, I'm having a fantastic and productive time, work wise, but running wise... sharp downturn since Monday! I'm going to have to figure out a way to prepare myself for this race Friday. I have colleagues coming to watch me cross the finish line, too. No pressure!

Day 115: Mexican Parkour

I woke up aching everywhere. Guess running uphill over cobblestones, dodging locals, leaping over frequent breaks in the sidewalk, and sidestepping dogs was a bit more of a workout than my usual hop-step on the flat treadmill. It's like I ran a Mexican Parkour course! Hope I'm all recovered by tomorrow when I plan to run 5 miles at sunrise through this same exotic town.

Day 114: 3 Miles In Veracruz

I left today for an exciting two week long business trip. I'm going to be in 3 different countries, with wall to wall meetings and work/social events planned, but I fully intend to keep up my Half-Marathon training schedule. I realize there may be days when I just can't get a planned workout in, but I'm going to do my best. I'll make a game of it - the harder it is to fit time in for me, the harder I'll try.

Today was somewhat challenging. I had little sleep and spent most of the day eating and traveling with colleagues and journalists, but was able to break away from the group around 6pm for an hour, just as the sun was setting.

I'm in Mexico in a remote village called Coatepec, where tomorrow I'll be touring coffee bean and sugar cane plantations. My hotel is on the main street of the town so, without a map, and having no idea where to go, I decided to just run up the street as far as I could go, and turn around and come back. I had my Nike+ on my iPod so I could tell roughly how far I had gone. It's finally calibrated better. Not perfect, but I'm not going to be uptight about a few points when there are plenty of other obstacles to trip me up in this kind of situation!

I can't tell you the excitement I felt as my feet started hitting the cobblestones. I felt free and amazingly safe. The streets were filled with people congregating after work. I smiled at everyone I passed and they all smiled back at me. It was still 86 degrees even as the sun was setting, and the humidity was high. The smell of burning garbage and diesel in the street was stifling. There were lots of street dogs, most of which left me alone, but one who was perched on the roof of a bakery snapped viciously at me until I got close and stopped, and took my camera out and photographed him. When I took off running again, he resumed barking.

I kept looking for signs that people here might run, just like me. But there weren't any. The shoe stores I passed didn't have sneakers, or I should say sneakers serious enough to do more than stroll in. People looked at me curiously. Mothers moved their children aside as I came sprinting by. I said, "Gracias!" every 10 seconds, smiled, got a smile back. Nobody seemed bothered by me, just interested in a pleasant way. By the time I came running back down the main street people recognized me and smiled first. I was also going downhill on the way back so I was really booking and I'll bet that was easier to smile at than my huffing and puffing in the other direction!

I just kept wondering what they thought of me. It's like when Julie Edwards and co. used to go running through the streets of Venice, Italy, in 1991, in their ripped fraternity T-shirts. Venetians don't run in the street, and they definitely don't wear ripped T-shirts! We later found out the whole island seemed to know about us - the crazy American students who went running in rags! So I kept thinking, how do I look to these people? I thought I looked pretty impressive, running around in such heat.

At one point, I looked up and smiled to see a set of telephone wires that were hanging with sneakers - just like you see in the U.S., and in many places around the world. I wonder how the tradition of throwing sneakers over street wires came up. I also saw old men walking their donkeys, boys with soccer balls, and bakeries everywhere. Old women hung laundry. Push carts sold ices. In one square where people were gathering to socialize, they were selling huge clusters of balloons and corn on the cob with mayonnaise.

I loved every minute of it. I was so sweaty by the time I got home that my entire "lucky" Williams T-shirt was soaked through. The guy at the desk who had looked at me askance when I'd left lit up and gave me two thumbs up, way up, and said something in Spanish. That made me feel good! (Hope he didn't call me a sweaty pig!) I didn't run with Sport Beans, or water, and I barely listened to my iPod; and yet it all went by faster than any run I think I've ever done.

Day 113: A 21 Mile Week

I've been wondering recently how many miles I've run since I started all this in November. I need to sit down and add it up one day. Certainly more than I did over my entire lifetime before I started, including runs through airport terminals. Oh, those were the good old days... when you could leave your apartment on East 7th Street at 9am on a Sunday morning and, with a little hightailing, easily be in your seat at LAG by 10am, with bags checked, an upgrade negotiated, and coffee from Au Bon Pain; but after 9/11, I had to say bye bye to my airport workouts!

This week I ran a total of 21 miles. 11 on Monday, 3 on Tuesday, 4 on Saturday, and 3 today, Sunday. I wasn't scheduled to run today but I just felt the desire. Desire... did I just say that? The desire to run? I wouldn't have believed it could have happened; but it has. I was also thinking about my weekly total, which was slightly short changed by my missing a mid-week 5 mile run. And finally, I was thinking of the next two weeks ahead when I'll be traveling. I've got a lot of time on airplanes tomorrow and I hope I can squeeze my scheduled 3 mile run in, but realistically, that might not happen. I'll be in Mexico under armed guard and unless there's a treadmill at my hotel, I can't go out for security reasons. I've seen a picture of our bodyguard and, let's just say, I don't think he's a runner. We shall see!

I didn't break any records today, but ran 3 miles in 33:44/11:15 pace. I started out pretty slow but in the last mile went from 5.6, to 5.8, to 5.7, and then way up to 7.5 mph in quarter mile increments. I was surprised by how fun and good the last quarter at 7.5 mph felt. Of course, I couldn't have kept it up longer at this point, but I'm excited to try putting more (really) fast run time in at the end of future runs. I don't think I've ever run at 7.5 mph before! Not even for a second! My inexperience showed at the end when I tried to just "hop" off the treadmill while it was still zooming and I flew off, giving myself a big bruise on one calf, and scaring the be'jezus out of all the people in the gym! (I'm fine. Luckily. Do not try that trick at home, though!)

I got a great compliment today that I think will sustain me for a long time. Everyone was talking to me in the gym while I was running for some reason, and when I said I'd run the race yesterday, people were like, "Why are you running again today? You need to rest... You're over-doing it. Don't hurt yourself!" There was a big debate about it amongst the people on the treadmills, elliptical machines, and doing free weights; and I just listened, thinking, what do you care? This isn't such a big deal! It's 3 miles! Finally, the lifeguard for the pool, who happened to have come in to check on us and was listening interjected. He's a trainer and work out maniac. He goes, "Guys, she's running today because she's got balls!" He looked at me and I beamed... and everyone else finally shut up. 'Nuf said.

Day 112: Race for Haiti (4M in 43:40/10:55 Pace)

I ran a 4 Mile race today in Central Park to benefit Haiti. My goal was to beat my pace from the 5 mile race I ran on Jan 9th, which was 11:39. I set my sights on running it in 45:00 (11:15 pace) and beat that by 20 seconds a mile! I'm happy with my results considering it wasn't my best run ever.

Despite preparing myself well in advance, I just lacked energy and had to fight off a lot of negative thinking as the miles wore on and I became concerned I wouldn't meet my goal. I walked twice, briefly, on uphills, when I felt my breathing catching and I got scared. The last mile of the course though was all downhill so I felt a boost and wish now I'd put the speed on even before I did at the last second. Didn't I say that last time? "Broken record," alert!

Before and after, I was joined by 4 friends, and have never felt more loved and inspired to keep going. Each friend was at a different place in his or her running journey and it was amazing to be all together on a gorgeous sunny day, taking care of Haiti, taking care of ourselves, and taking care of each other.

First there was Jerome Roux, whom I met in 2006 when he transferred from the Paris office of Coty to NYC. He's the ideal man. Smart, tall, creative, down to earth, gorgeous, and funny as hell. Once you've met Jerome, you can't get enough of him! He is actually the person who first told me about this race, which was pretty confusing, because Jerome's just about the last person on Earth I'd have thought would be into running!

The thing is, Jerome's French; and what goes better with being French than a couple of packs of cigarettes a day? Pas de chose, cheris! But a few months ago, Jerome decided he wanted to lose some weight so he went on a no sugar, no carb, no fat diet (yes, cigarettes were allowed) and also took up running. He lost 22 pounds. Once the weight was off, he noticed how good the running was making him feel and he decided not to give that up... and even to cut back on the cigarettes. Jerome rocked a 9:28 mile today; now, that's what I call, smoking!

Next there was Sarah Hine, who has been running for a while now. She's a diligent runner who does it for her health and well being. She gets up early, splashes cold water on her face, and goes to the gym almost every day. In the past I remember thinking she was super woman, and weird, and maybe even a robot. Going to the gym in the morning? When you could sleep? And you're naturally thin already? Ugh... smacks of weird. :) Now, my dear Sarah, I get it... and I think of you every morning that I rise early for a run. I have respect for you, for all the years you've been doing it, and how hard it's been.

Sarah Hine and I run at about the same pace but I was adamant that I wanted to run this alone. I've never run "with" someone else. I wonder though now, seeing our finishing times within seconds of each other, if we should give running together a go? Just to try it. Something new. If nothing else, something to write about! What do you think, Hiney?

And finally there were Sarah Watson and Amy Richards. I've know Sarah since before nursery school. We grew up on the same street, went to sleep away camp together, studied abroad in Venice, and now both work in liquor marketing/advertising, as it happens, for the same company. Sarah and I took tennis lessons together growing up and she's generally a good athlete, and has always stayed in shape and even been a runner from time to time when her ridiculous international travel schedule isn't dominating things. Our friendship spans the ages and the life stages and I'm sure will end with death doing us part! (I sincerely hope I go first.)

Amy I've known since third grade. My hand still hurts from the blood pact we once made together over a book called Jennifer, Hecate, Macbeth, William McKinley and Me, Elizabeth! We also went to sleep away camp together, played on the lacrosse team, were roommates in LA, swapped apartments in NY, and have had maybe one fight in 30+ years? (You were wrong, dude!) The thing about Amy is, though she has a full time job also with international travel, and a toddler at home, and she hasn't run or done anything athletic in 6 years, she's a natural born athlete - and that doesn't just go away. This girl passed the boys in high school without breaking a sweat and she'd pass 'em now if she tried. She's built for running. I love how her legs kick behind her when she goes.

Amy and I now live on the same block a stone's throw from Central Park. I've been a little preachy recently to Amy about wanting her to get out there and train; but only because I love her so much and I want her to feel what I'm feeling. When I think of how hard I'm working and what my physical limitations are - my lack of gifts - and what she's got going for her... It would be such a thrill to be the one to help her get started, and eventually see how far she can go.

Jerome, the Sarahs, Amy and I blended well. We talked about running and we talked about life when we hung out afterwards sipping coffee and eating waffles and quiche. Running was the thread we could all quickly find common ground on, but it was only the gateway to more. People who work hard and put themselves out there have something fundamentally in common. Because we run, we could trust each other to hear things with an open ear, to be supportive, and to remind each other that we don't know what's coming in life... but it might very well be even better than we could have imagined!

Day 111: Owl Hunting

For the first 30 or so years of my life I was generally sleep deprived. I thought I was a confirmed night owl because I naturally came alive at night and wanted to stay up late (like, until 4am...); but I wasn't sure. Was I a night owl by nature, or only because by the time morning came, I was too tired to be any sort of decent morning person. On the rare occasions when I'd get a good night's sleep and see the sun rise, I loved it and wanted more... but I could never figure out how to see two sunrises in a row.

I looked for the positives in my patterns, and didn't work too hard to change my ways. I've always had jobs that favored a night owl existence so I'd leverage that, and send awesomely poignant emails at 3am, ahead of everybody else's day. (Yes, I used to be that colleague you hate.) So, I just stayed as I was, and bumbled around in a bit of a fog during daylight. And maybe, this lifestyle even served me in other ways because, when you're tired, it's easier to ignore what is disappointing. The dramas don't seem quite so dramatic. That can be a good thing.

When I started running in November, however, I suddenly had to change my ways. You simply can't get up and run at 6am if you haven't had at least 6 hours of sleep. It doesn't work. The body doesn't move - it just stands there. And the only thing worse than going running at 6am on a cold day is going standing at 6am on a cold day. So, I started putting myself to bed.

In the last week or so, though, I haven't had to run in the morning. My mid-week training has been happening at night - mostly because the distances are long enough that it would be hard for me to finish them and get to work on time. So, my natural sleep/wake cycle has crept in again silently... to devastating effects!

One night this week I found myself up at 4:30 am putzing around, writing, Googling, reading email and not even thinking about sleeping. By the time I noticed the clock, I had just 2 hours before I'd have to get up and start preparing for work... In the days to follow, I suffered. I noticed, perhaps for the first time in my life, how truly bad it feels to be walking around like a zombie. Sure, some of the stresses were softened by my own exhaustion, but more often they were exaggerated. Physically, I felt worn. My head felt hollow. My passion for exercise fizzled. I ate reasonably, but food didn't feel energizing like it had started to since I began running. Overall, I just wasn't a well oiled machine. I felt discombobulated!

So, now that I'm conscious of this distinction, I can make a choice about how I want to take care of myself. I have the answer to a question I held most of my life!! As it turns out, I am a night owl by nature, but a morning person by nurture. And in my life today, nurture is the boss. So, the next time I see myself trending towards nocturnal dominance, I'm going to declare it owl hunting season!

Day 110: Bib Number 3,000

I picked up my bib today for Saturday's NYRR race to benefit Haiti. I was so excited when I saw that my bib was a round number; it's 3,000! Round numbers are of course rare and special... and mean nothing - but it's fun to feel chosen for a second.

There are over 9,000 people signed up for this race already and more pouring in by the day. There were signs posted all over the building saying there wouldn't be corrals at the race; so everyone just starts anywhere they want, not based on historical times... Oh boy - it's gonna be a mob scene!

I'm planning to try to meet up with as many friends as I can who will be running or walking, which means bringing my phone... and probably feeling really frustrated. I can just hear it now, "I'm in black running tights and a black beanie! By the tree!" Ummm... The thing is, I want to focus on this as a real run, and not just a "fun run." I've never run with anyone before and this race isn't going to be my first try! I'll say hi and then get in the zone by myself. I need to pace myself, run pretty fast for me, and try to beat my 5 mile time from Jan 9th. I hope I can do it!

I was thinking tonight though that I might like to try to find someone to train for the Marathon with. I don't know if I could do it - run with someone else - but I'm curious. Actually, I'm more scared than curious but I'm learning that those two things often go hand in hand.

Today I was supposed to run 5 miles. Well, actually yesterday I was supposed to run 5 miles; but my schedule for the week got thrown off because I did my 11 miler on Monday, not Sunday, so I was gonna do the 5 today. I got down to the gym late tonight after a long, long day and fully intended to run 5 on the treadmill but all the treadmills were taken. I got on the elliptical instead while I waited and went for 10 measly minutes before I got bored and annoyed, and switched to lifting 3 lb weights three ways for maybe another 10 minutes. When it was nearly time for the gym to close one of the treadmills freed up but I opted to just stretch a little and head back to my apartment. What I really need tonight is sleep. I trust my muscles will be ready for 4 miles on Saturday. They just did 11 for crissake! What's 4? Chump change... (If only it felt that way!)

Day 109: Listening Party

Today's a day off from running and I was glad for it. I needed time tonight to meet up with friends for a party and sort out all the feelings I've been having since I started running. I didn't talk so much as I did listen tonight.

One friend told me about the personal growth she's experienced over the last 6 months. There was clarity in her words, joy in her smile. She was proud of herself and that was the most beautiful cosmetic anyone could apply. There was an article in a recent Runner's World that talked about the contagious quality of fitness and health consciousness - which is something I have begun to notice on my own - I started running and now countless people I never thought would run are also giving it a try... Does that have anything to do with me? I'll never know! But, maybe. Anyway, it occurred to me as I was listening to this friend speak that there is also a contagious quality to happiness and connection. When someone else opens up, you open up. When someone else is happy, you feel safe and free to express your own happiness.

I loved the little listening party I went to tonight. Life really is good... Don't you think? (I know you do.)

Day 108: Keep On Truckin'

The schedule called for 3 miles today so I did it. Nothing exciting to report on.

I watched snowboarding while I ran, which I love to do, and kept a vigilant eye on my posture in the mirror. I pushed my shoulders back and steadied my neck. You could have balanced a book on my head.

Last week at this time, after having run 10 miles the day before, I remember I found it pretty hard to get through 2.5. So, doing today's 3 miles without a problem felt pretty satisfying. I was sore when I woke up this morning and I'm sure I'll be sore again tomorrow. I really need a massage, or a hot tub, or something... but, that's not going to happen, so I will just have to keep on truckin'.

Day 107: 11 Miles Eating Snow

I almost quit yesterday but I got lucky. A friend who likes to yell at me when I'm doing stupid things happened to read my blog and sent me a badgering text. Not much gets past him and between my playful chatter about fear and excuses, he could just smell the real danger of quitting. He gave me instructions for moving forward and encouragement, which are the two things you need most when you're afraid; and that helped me snap back to motivation today.

I tell you, when you're running, it takes a village. Do not think I'm doing this alone. Especially if you know me well and you know what an island I typically am... Running is different. With running, I'm no island; and maybe after all of this I'll be less of an island with everything else? It's conceivable. I can see it happening already. Funny how a basically solo sport can make you see the value in depending on others.

It was a gorgeous, sunny 40 degrees in the Park. I ran the Full Loop (6.0273 miles) and the Upper Loop using the 72nd Street cutoff (4.928 miles) for a total of 10.9553 miles, and then tacked 5/100 of a mile because I'm anal like that! I ran really slowly and didn't walk as much as I usually have to. I even ran all the uphills in my first hour. The whole thing took me 2 hours and 20 minutes. My pace was 12:49, which is a few seconds slower than I ran 10 miles or 9 miles, but I'm OK with that. I wasn't burned out at the end. Not saying I wanted to keep going; but I didn't feel devastated. I don't feel scared to go 12, which will happen in 2 weeks time when I'm away on business in Miami.

I faced a few challenges today while on the path. One was my water supply. I finished 3/4 of my bottle at the close of the first hour. No idea why I was so thirsty but I didn't want to deny myself water while running, so I cleverly (I thought) jogged out into the snow at one point, identified a virgin patch, and stuffed piles of white stuff down in my water bottle, figuring it would melt and I could drink it. Unfortunately, it never melted! So for the rest of the run, when I was thirsty, I had to open the water bottle and shake out chunks of snow.

Then, since I've been getting such bad blisters, I tried something called Body Glide and it worked on one hand because I didn't get any new blisters, but when I took my socks off after the run they were covered with blood! Maybe blisters serve a purposed? To prevent you from bleeding out! I don't know. I have to say I did prefer having bloody feet to blistered feet, so I'll be using Body Glide again. At least bloody feet don't annoy you for 4 miles. They're a silent side effect. Ah, such elegant choices!

So, 11 down, but more importantly, the danger of quitting averted. Must be on guard for future signs of quitting and nip them in the bud. This is too much of a good thing to stop now...

Day 106: I'm Tellin' Y'all It's Sabotage

Sometimes, you just have to go with things the way they are and not the way you want them to be. Today was supposed to be my big 11 miler, outside, but I'm pushing it off until tomorrow. I know this is going to screw my schedule up for the week, but it has to be done.

I've created so many obstacles for myself to running today, not the least of which is unexpected fatigue from intenSati yesterday. Plus, I woke up really late and feeling hung over, even though I shouldn't have, considering I barely drank and wasn't out that late last night. The runner is a delicate machine. You extract all the usual toxins when you're training - except my beloved caffeine, and then simply introduce a little bourbon-based mixology, and there's a cosmic meltdown. What's this? Mash-derived sport drink? Must absorb, quickly! Wait a minute... these aren't electrolytes... Let's dance!

I wouldn't say I've learned my lesson with this because I'm sure there will be many more Saturday nights when I ruin myself for a Sunday run. I'm really only letting myself have this pass because Monday's a holiday, and I can do the run then.

As I write this, I'm feeling so guilty. I'm feeling like I never planned to run today at all and now I'm blaming the liquor when the truth is, I'm not an amateur. Liquor is my business. I know how it works, what it does. I didn't really over-do it; I never over-do it. And I'm not really hung over! I'm just tired and slightly dehydrated, which is probably more about the soy sauce I put on my veggie dumplings last night than it is about Maker's Mark.

The truth, obviously, is that I don't want to run today. I'm more scared for 11 than I was for 9, and certainly for 10. 11 seems superhuman, which I am decidedly not. I'm afraid I'll fail. I'm afraid blisters, freezing sweat, boredom and a muddled sense of purpose will consume me on the trail and I'll simply quit someplace in the Park, unceremoniously, and crawl under a rock and die. Vday '10 will become the day I stopped running, stopped blogging, and succumbed to my greatest power - self sabotage.

I'm tempted to push myself out the door right now but, like a little "sabotage" insurance policy, I never even bothered to wash my outdoor clothes from last week... I could do it now but they are cold wash/hang dry, which wouldn't happen in time for a run in the sun. This is a good reminder that "resistance" has many levels, and may very well keep unfolding, maybe even getting worse, as Nov 7, 2010, approaches. There is something inside me that still, despite all the positives I see and feel from running, does not embrace the "privilege" with an open heart. I was feeling for the first time this week like I was a real runner, like there was no taking this away from me, and being a real runner somehow came with a little momentum, a shield against wavering. But I realize right now it's still going to be a daily battle, maybe even to the end because, when it comes to self-sabotage, I don't need any training. I'm a master.

Day 105: Orange Colored Sky

My iPod froze irreversibly for the third time last night. I had to let the battery die out completely in order to start it up again. The thought of having to run without my constant companion was too much to bear, so I decided to preempt the potential disaster of its freezing permanently mid-run, and just get a new one.

I went to the Apple store on E. 59th Street and turned my little square blue classic in for a 10% discount on a shiny new 16 GB Nano. I spent more than a few moments contemplating the colors. Last time it had been easy - powder blue - lovely to look at, it flatters me, it's cross-seasonal, and feminine without being juvenile.

This time though the choice of colors was a lot harder. All the options were bold, defining... What kind of statement was I looking to make right now in my life? People think these things don't matter, but I think they do. Colors give and sustain moods. They telegraph social cues. I weighed the options.

Immediately, I was drawn to the orange. I always am. Orange is my favorite color. I don't wear orange or decorate with it, but it's the color of my soul. I am orange on the inside. As a kid I wasn't so concerned with appearing tasteful, so I wore my orange on the outside.

My love of orange spans music, flowers and even food. Nat King Cole's "Orange Colored Sky" is my favorite song. The most meaningful bouquet of flowers I've ever received was a dozen orange roses for Valentine's Day. And interestingly, at least to me, I'm insatiably attracted to eating anything that is orange - always have been. Apricot nectar, mango, oranges. As a kid, I ate so many carrots that I got carotene poisoning!

But like I said, I don't decorate with orange, or wear orange now. It's too powerful a color for me to surround myself with - it stirs and provokes me. It begs me to be front and center all the time and I don't have the energy for that; or at least, I never did. Until now I've surrounded myself with light blue and cream, so soothing and quiet.

Next I considered red. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Why not turn this extravagant purchase into a gift of love to myself! So romantic and sentimental of me! I tried that on for size, imaging myself carrying the red Nano around with me in May, June, July, remembering all the while that this was my Valentine's gift to myself. That started to annoy me a lot. It's just an iPod. It's equipment. Not a romantic gift.

What about green? Green is fresh and so mod. I'm fresh and mod. I'd be like those kids down on the Lower East Side partying it up until 4am and then lining up for tacos from the Calexico cart. Where are my Diesel pants and "be stupid" messenger bag to go with this Kelly green mini boom box on a wire? But, I got tired just thinking about trying to be that person... No way green!

How about pink? The pink was a fluorescent pink I would have been proud to have carried in 1987. It would have matched my scratch and sniff Swatch perfectly. I liked it, but wondered if it would look like breast cancer research support swag strapped to my arm while I was running. Not that that would have been a "bad" thing, but just not what I was going for.

Black? Grey? Everything I do is black and grey and I'm feeling less black and grey by the day...

Yellow? Oh no they didn't! I'll bet they only made 1,000 yellows for the whole globe. Who picks yellow? Big bird? When he wants to match his accessories to his feathers? Yellow... I considered asking for it at the desk just to see if they even had any in stock. Doubtful. It was a pretty yellow, though. Maybe if I liked bananas...

I kept returning to the orange. It might feel very vulnerable to be wearing a piece of my orange soul on the outside for all to see, and judge. I am orange and everything you associate with it - cheerful, bright, vibrant... and polarizing. Would it match with all my running gear? Did I need to match? Maybe now is the moment to just be who I am, orange, and not think about it or apologize for it. Time to just be, and see what happens.

I tried to explain my dilemma to the sales woman, reviewing the psychology of each color to her like a complete and total crazy person. She nodded encouragingly as I came to a conclusion on each option. Her hair was teased out big, and her coke bottle thick glasses made me feel like she was staring at me intently, really caring. She was nice. In the end, she seemed slightly disappointed with my color choice. She wanted me to get the pink. Or the red, because part of the proceeds would go to charity. I bought the orange.

Today was a day or rest from running but I had the opportunity to take Jolynn's intenSati class at Lululemon. It was wicked awesome. I punched and kicked my way to spiritual and physical serenity! I can feel my core strength and stamina improving every time I take that class. That darn girl is still crushing me - in a good way! You've got to try it out.

I'm actually feeling very scared to run 11 miles tomorrow. I'm not going to wear my new orthotics. Too painful. I got more Sport Beans, and even some Gooey Glide or something like that for feet, which is supposed to help prevent blisters. I hope the path isn't too wet and mucky. I hope it warms up and is sunny. No matter what it actually is, I'm going to turn my new iPod on and imagine myself running under the most perfect, orange colored sky.

Photo Footnote: Age 3 and dressing myself out loud!

Day 104: The Lollipop Cure

I picked up my new orthotics today and was startled at their appearance. Not only did they have high arches protruding, which I'd expected, but there was a strange ball and stick formation popping up out of each foot bed, as if a Charms Blow Pop had fallen into the molds while they were drying.

I saw a substitute doctor in the practice today because Harriet the Spy was on vacation. I questioned the sub about the lollipops and she grew cross with me that I didn't know - of course, they were because of my neuromas. My neuromas? I happen to know that neuroma means "tumor" and so I probably got a slightly alarmed look on my face when she said that and that made her get all hissy and mean and stomp out.

When she came back, she said the candy part of the lollipop was to push up on my neuroma, and the stick would separate the toes and relieve pain. She had me try them on and it felt absurd, as if I were standing on... a lollipop. She told me to talk to Harriet when he got back. Then she cut the orthotics down to fit into my shoes and shoved me out the door.

Before I left the office I cornered the receptionist and made her show me my chart where I found a full description of my condition and had something at least to go home and Google. Along with bone spurs, hammer toes and corns, I have Morton's Neuroma, which isn't so much a tumor as two nerves that have smashed together so badly that they adhere, making one big nerve, and causing pain with every step. High heels aggravate this condition and unfortunately, I like my high heels.

I was warned by the mean substitute doctor not to wear the new orthotics for more than an hour the first time, and two hours the second time. I had a 3.5 mile run to complete tonight according to the schedule, so I thought that would be the perfect first foray. The lollipop action felt supremely weird to walk on and only marginally less weird to run on. I didn't notice any less foot pain. Actually, I had slightly more foot pain - and the place where I blister on my left foot? Now I've got the biggest blister ever.

I'm not one to give up quickly on something just because it doesn't fit right. There's a breaking in process with everything new. The thing I'm not clear about here with the orthotics is whether I'm breaking them in, or they're breaking my feet in. Right now it feels like the latter.

I ran 3.5 miles in 38:15, without stopping, netting a 10:56 mile. I wasn't trying to go fast or slow. I just went how I wanted to go and tried very hard not to obsess about the blister. I felt strong during, but was overcome with nausea when I stopped abruptly at the end and didn't cool down or even bother to stretch. Just had to rip my damn shoes off - bloody hell!

Day 103: Hungry Like the Wolf

Today I went to work with a piece of broiled salmon stuffed in my purse. (Unfortunately, I forgot about it until 11AM when I wasn't the only one who became aware of it.) I'm so starving all the time now it isn't funny. I carry entrees around with me as if they were power bars! What's next? Setting up a carving station in my cube?

Co-workers smile politely as I travel the halls several times a day with plates of grapefruit slices piled high, Ryvita slabs covered with cottage cheese, and turkey with mustard. I don't crave sweets at all, just raw protein and carbs. If I could lick protein powder (maybe I can, must look into this) I would. There's a display of Swedish wheat in my office and I sometimes consider tasting it as I walk by. I'm like a wild animal the day after I run, hunting down prey, wherever I can...

I'm carefully logging all my meals into my food diary. We shall see what the nutritionist says when I meet her. This can't be normal. I hope she doesn't refer me to a psychiatrist.

Day 102: The Art of War (5M Without Stopping!)

I just hit a new milestone and I'm elated! I ran straight for one full hour - for a total of 5 miles! I can't believe it. Before this, the farthest I've ever run without having to stop and tie my shoelace or just walk for a minute and catch my breath, was 3 miles.

This is going to sound strange, but I've always wanted to know I could run for an hour straight if I needed to. It makes me feel like I could be useful in an emergency. I like to be useful. This feels better than any other accomplishment I've had so far. It feels better than having run 10 miles, even. I know in my heart now, I can run!

I did everything different tonight. I always listen to music when I run, but tonight I had Sun Tsu's "The Art of War" on the iPod. I've read it before but downloaded it because I sensed recently I was falling into a defensive position in some places in my life and wanted a reminder about why it's essential to be on the offense. Playing defense is just handing the game over. Might as well not even bother to march the troops out.

So I had that, and I had a new running strategy. I've been reading DoctorMama's blog and she said when you're training you should run as slowly as you possibly can... She doesn't really say why but I figured I'd check it out. Whoa! Slow is so hard now. I could feel every single muscle in my legs - muscles I haven't felt since November! It was like starting all over again - except that my fitness level is better so I had enough oxygen, and my posture wasn't terrible, and my mind was in charge making me keep going... and going... and going.

When I'd finished 3 miles, I realized the error of my ways. I'd run for too long at a slow speed and now there literally wasn't enough time for me to finish my 5 miles in an hour. You only have the treadmill for 60 mins during rush hour at the gym. Crap! What to do. Well, I cranked the thing up and decided to try to chase the full 5 - at warp speed - whatever it took. By the time I hit 4.6 miles I was dying to take a break. Dying!! But if I did, I did the math, I wouldn't make it. So, I kept going...

I played some seriously aggressive mind games with myself... all with Sun Tsu playing in the background giving tips on which side of the mountain to set camp up on, and why not to let the men sleep on boggy marshes, and how critical it is when you're attacking your enemy by a river, to let half his troops cross first! I heard some of it and some of it got drowned out by my internal dialog about being tired and not getting enough air and what's for dinner?

Sun Tsu talks about breaking big tasks up into smaller tasks, and using the same psychology on everything. He gives very specific directions and it's sometimes hard to believe he's talking about real war - and not modern society, or the work place, or maybe even running! Human politicking I guess doesn't change much over time, or from context to context. And it's certainly at play for me when I'm out there trying to figure this whole sport out and all the parts of myself are in conflict, some wanting to stop and others wanting to go.

In the end I made it with 22 seconds left before the turn of the hour. I pushed myself very hard to accomplish my goal. I had all my Generals focused and driving their battalions to the front line - single minded, explosive, and ready to sacrifice for me. They listened to their Commander in Chief tonight - and together we won our most important battle yet!

Day 101: No Excuses, Maggots!

Beatrice, who is a genius, just turned me on to an awesome blog about running. Thank you, Bea! Check this out if you want to start running, need credible advice, and can tolerate "tough love": http://doctormama.blogspot.com/2006/05/listen-up-maggots.html

DoctorMama is a blogger who is a doctor, runner, and mother, and gives it to ya straight about why you should be running - "No excuses, maggots!" as she likes to say. I sure wish I'd known about this blog when I started because her FAQ section answers a lot of the silly questions I know I had in the early days, but didn't know whom to ask...

She covers issues like bras, temperature, illness, speed, eating, drinking, and like, um, are you supposed to wear panties while you're running? I personally gave up on that months ago but would never have admitted it to anyone because I thought I was being a freak. Turns out I'm not such a freak after all... at least not in this regard.

Before recommending this site to you, I took the time to really read through it carefully to make sure I was endorsing something that's not only entertaining, but I think would be useful if you are just starting out and have some basic question. I say all the time in my blog, "I don't know what I'm doing! Don't listen to me!" So, here's someone you can listen to. Try DoctorMama. You can even post questions to her and she will post back with answers.

Now, I wouldn't be me if I weren't at least sometimes talking out of both sides of my mouth, so let me also say I think there is some real value in feeling your way around in the dark with running for a while. Yes, ask questions and get help, but don't forget to just notice what you can learn by listening to your body and noticing your thoughts in a detached way. I believe there is a commonality to everyone's experience in running, but it is understanding the subtleties which will will open the door to your enjoying it.

No excuses, maggots! Get off the couch! (Oh gosh, now I'm proselytizing... When did that start to happen? So sorry!)

Day 100: I've Lost 10 Pounds!

Seems fitting that on my 100th day of training, I've finally hit another important "tenfold" milestone! I'm down 10 pounds! Yay.

I haven't been dieting, but I have changed the way I think about food. Now I look at it that all food is fuel - even treats - because they give me calories I need. Here's an example. This weekend, I ate a piece of a friend's birthday cake that was pure whipped cream and 24 layers of mille feuille. It was the best cake I've had in my entire life, hands down. I don't think I'll ever forget it. It gave me dairy, carbs and calories (about 600 I figured) which I would need to sustain me on my run the next day. All good.

When everyone had finished their first slice, seconds came around. A few of the girls tried to push a plate on me, "You have it! You're running 10 miles tomorrow! Have it for us!" they whined. I thought about it. The first slice had been heaven. We were all dying in ecstasy. But, what exactly would slice #2 give me? ...a better ingrained memory of ecstasy? Hm... The original memory was pretty well seeded. If I ate a second piece, that would be more energy than I needed. So, I decided my memory of it was strong enough and passed. The girls let out a disappointed sigh as we passed the plate over to one of the guys and he snarfed the cake down in three bites.

That's the kind of thing that happens to me now that didn't happen before. I make choices differently. I consider how food will make me feel, and how well I will remember it, if it's a treat.

So, here I am adding more treats, eating more frequently, and not feeling guilty about food any more... and I'm losing weight. Kind of fun to be turning into one of those people I used to hate! I have a feeling that losing the next 10 pounds is going to be slow going, though. I just started keeping a food journal so that when I finally do see a nutritionist, she can read the tea leaves for me and let me know if I'm doing the best I can to support my running.

Tonight I'm going to be running 2-3 miles on the treadmill. Last week's Monday night run was a disaster because I was so burned out from having run the 9. But I feel better today than I did last Monday. Blisters have subsided. Legs feel good. I really hope I have the energy to go the distance. We shall see...

Addendum: Ran 2.5 miles in 28:27, which nets to an 11:22 mile. I was really strong and could have gone another half mile to complete the 3 but the gym closed up in my face. Anyway, that's fine. I am puzzled as to why it was so much easier to recover from running 10 miles yesterday than it was to recover from 9 miles last Sunday. Last week I could barely move on Monday night. Number one rule in running: Do not attempt to apply your usual logic here! Give yourself over to the advice of experts. Beginners, beware! You know even less than you think you know!

Day 99: 10 Miles with Blisters

I ran 10 miles today in 2:06:20. That nets a 12:38 mile, which is 6 seconds slower than I ran my 9 miles last week. I'd targeted an even 2 hours for the effort, so I'm disappointed with my performance. I know, I know... I couldn't run 100 feet 3 months ago; but I'm trying to get better here, not worse.

I started out perfectly equipped - good clothes, good attitude, enough water, Sport Beans, iPod. It was very sunny, but only 22 degrees and gusty. The wind made it hard, and so did running on dirt and rocks for nearly 2 miles of it - my first time on the bridal path. Twice my ankle turned over and adrenaline spiked. Injury prevention is my #1 goal. No matter what. I went slowly after that and stared down at the path. With the wind in my face, it felt like nature was pushing back against me, making sure I didn't take an accomplishment like 10 miles, lightly. My route was lovely, though. I went:

Outer Loop (5.1432 miles) - ran up to entrance of the Reservoir, and went in. Then... Reservoir x 2 (3.14 miles) - and then... Bridal Path (1.66 miles) - and then fnished the Outer Loop for a perfect 10 miles.

I never wheezed today, but probably because by the time I hit the last two miles I was walking more than I wanted to. Bad blisters. My legs were OK to go, but my feet felt like they were on fire, getting infected, and every time I touched down I flashed to memories of people who have run the Marathon telling me how bad their blisters were... and that you just have to run through it. Run through it!? I'm sure Marathon blisters are a lot worse than 10 Mile blisters! I'd better figure out what I'm going to say to myself when that happens because I'm not sure I could take it any worse than it felt today.

My sweat-drenched clothes were bad protection from the wind when I walked back to my apartment. In three blocks, my body temperature felt like it dropped to match the air, down to 19 degrees according to the clock outside the Park. I went home, did a shot of cold protein drink, peeled my wet clothes off, and then soaked in a hot tub - adding more hot water to the surface every few minutes as my ice cube of a body cooled it off. For dinner I'd thought I'd order something special from Zen Palate to celebrate, but I couldn't wait for a delivery, so I just had tuna from a can and the rest of my homemade butternut squash chowder. Pretty glamorous. I can't wait for spring.

Day 98: Quinceañera

I'm going for a 10 mile run tomorrow so I tried to take "day of rest" seriously today.

Tonight's another story. I've got a friend's Quinceañera x 2 (30th birthday party) to go to and her husband's making sure we do it in style with a feast of tapas and then a table at a night club. Dancing shoes + bubbly + music = Michelle probably not sitting still for long. Just gonna do my best to get home before the sun rises... Hope I don't pay for it tomorrow!

Day 97: My First Personal Best (10:49)

I just ran 3 miles in 32:27, netting a 10:49 minute mile. That's the fastest I've ever run in my life! I'm a frickin' jackrabbit!

In running they call your fastest time a PB, or Personal Best. I'm excited to have one now. I think your PB necessarily has to correspond with the number of miles your ran because obviously my PB for a 3 mile run would be different from a PB for a 10 mile run, but anyway, I can't believe I just ran for 3 miles straight without stopping (except when my shoelace came undone) and that I ran a good quarter of a mile at 6.4 mph or higher. I seriously never thought I could do that.

How did I do it? I worked later than I meant to, so I didn't have much time. I've got a date downtown at 8pm so I needed to get the run over quickly, shower, and get out the door! And, I have so much personal stress right now I think I'm going to melt - running actually felt like an escape for once.

Tonight, I loved running. It was a safe, happy place where I felt connected with myself and in control. If running were like this every time, I'd want to do it every day for the rest of my life. And to think, I almost went my whole life without knowing what was on the dark side... *weeps*

Tonight, anyway - for the record - I do not hate to run!

Day 96: Tight Pants

My new size 10 Petite J. Crew fully lined wool gabardine pants arrived in the mail and I wore them to work today. It felt so good to have tight pants on again! I'm sorry if that sounds lewd but, you have to remember, for me, tight pants = familiar. Loose pants = unfamiliar. If I ever get down to a really small size, I suppose I'll have to pour myself into $20 hot pants from Forever 21 to feel like my old self.

Wouldn't it be funny if I were to do all this work to get fit and then find out I have bad fashion taste? Here I've been dressing conservatively for years, because black tailored A-line clothing is most flattering; but what if it turns out that really, at heart, I'm a freak and I actually prefer to look a little bit trashy! It's very possible.

I was in Saks Fifth Avenue shopping with my friend Amy last weekend and as we passed the fur salon, my eye hit a (brace yourself) short red and black horizontally striped fur jacket. It was about $6,000. I said to Amy, who has known me since 3rd grade, "I want that!" and she said she could totally see me wearing it with skinny jeans and some obnoxiously high heeled black boots. Amy's a banker, and the classiest dresser I know, but she really knows me and I suppose has seen the striped fur jacket in me all along, even though of course I've never had one or anything like it! Bless her heart for sticking with me.

For me, the most powerful benefit of running has been the gift of surprise. At every turn I am surprised by what I see myself doing. Major, long-standing conceptions about myself have been shattered... No promises now, but who knows - maybe one day I'll even get to the point where I favor loose pants.

Day 95: Feed Me!

I ran 4 fast miles tonight after work and then headed out to meet a friend for dinner. Immediately after running, I'm not usually that hungry; but all the rest of the time (since I've started putting down serious mileage) I'm as ravenous as a bear. I have to eat small bits every 3-4 hours. Fresh pineapple and cottage cheese for breakfast, then an egg white an hour later. Then a yogurt around 11 am. Then turkey and soy cheese on a whole grain tortilla at 2 pm. Then an orange or some blueberries with a square of dark chocolate and herbal tea at 4 pm. For dinner, I do sushi with brown rice and seaweed about 4 nights a week. The other nights, I eat chicken and tons of vegetables. I crave spinach, kale and Swiss chard. I've always been into greens but since I started running, I have to have them every day. Thoughts of sauteed kale with raisins and pignoli nuts sometimes interrupt my work.

Since I haven't lost a pound in weeks - actually, I've gained two this week - I started counting calories to make sure all my mini meals weren't adding up to a big problem. But they're not. I'm eating enough, but not too much; and frankly, now that I've stopped feeling lightheaded when I run, I can't imagine eating less. I do sometimes indulge in very bad foods but, in moderation. Like today, I just had to have a hamburger and there's a place by my office that has the best hamburgers in the world. They make a mini version (like White Castle size) so I just got one of those and split a salad with a friend - probably 800 calories with the dressings, all in; but still, I burned 500 calories on the treadmill tonight, walked to and from dinner... We shall see what the scale says tomorrow but, I'm not optimistic.

When all my intense cravings started a few weeks ago, I figured that was my body's way of trying to get some key nutrients I needed so I started taking vitamins. I've often taken vitamins before, sometimes for months at a time; but then I'd forget for a few days in a row, and the regiment would get interrupted. So, I'm now taking a multi vitamin, multi-Omega capsules, biotin, vitamin D, and calcium on the days when I haven't gotten enough from my food. For a week I also took Bio-K yogurt drinks which are vehicles for 50 billion live good bacteria - or at least that's what spending $5 for 3.5 oz of yogurt is supposed to get you. Not sure if the pills and potions are helping (though since taking the Bio-K my chest cold has finally gone); but I do love taking the Omegas, especially. I think they are important and I sometimes feel I notice a difference in my cognitive fluency and sense of well being when I've ingested them the night before.

I know the answer is that I need to see that nutritionist I was referred to last month. We traded calls a bunch of times but the ball was left in my court and I think I dropped it - probably so I could run to the fridge and grab a snack! Must put that on my list of important personal loose ends to tie up tomorrow.

In fairness, while I'm not seeing the number go down on the scale, we all know that "the clothes" are the measure of the woman... I've just ordered some Petite 10 pants from J. Crew and we'll see how those fit; I'm guessing a little bit snug but buttonable. Size 14 down to a Petite 10 would feel like progress! On the other hand, I hope I'm not setting myself up for disappointment by underestimating my size. Wish that postman would step on it and get here with my new pants (and self-esteem!) already.

Day 94: Run-a-holic?

Today's a day of rest and frankly, I'm glad because I needed a little space. I feel like running has taken over my life! When I'm not running, I'm writing about running, or reading about running, or eating for running, or shopping for clothes and gadgets for running.

All the new people I meet also seem to be runners. This past weekend I missed a friend's birthday party and she got in touch with me afterwards to check in. She didn't say she was sorry she hadn't seen me; she said she was sorry I hadn't made it because she'd invited a few running friends she'd wanted me to meet! Even the guys I go out with all seem to be runners. I put the word Marathon in my dating profile name and suddenly, a new crop of candidates has surfaced. They bring me flowers and running books! One gave me a pair of shoelaces. Another encouraged me to change my body type to Athletic/Fit on my profile. Really? I didn't think that was representing myself fairly but he assured me it was.

Even at work, it's gotten maybe a little out of control. Yesterday, a senior person came by my desk and said "I heard you just ran 9 miles!" Um, how? I started babbling about how I'm fine when it's flat but I always walk the hills. As the words nervously poured out of me I thought, what is this saying about me professionally? Sanders can't handle a challenge!? Didn't seem like he heard it that way, though. He proceeded to give me advice on what posture to use when I'm running up hill. Lean in on an angle, pull your arms up tight to your body and keep your head down. He acted it out... He and his wife once ran a Half and... blah, blah. I don't think this person had spoken 5 words to me before!

The support is, of course, wonderful. I mean, really, really wonderful. It's the only thing keeping me going some days. All this focus on running though makes me wonder what ever was I talking about and doing before!? Obviously, something I don't do now; but strangely, I'm not feeling a void anywhere.

I think the truth of it is, I was working, and I was talking about work when I wasn't working. I used to work 12+ hours a day. For real. And now, I only work 9. So, have I just swapped my obsession with work for an obsession with running? "Obsession" doesn't sound healthy. Or is running an "OK" way to fill my time, noble and productive? It feels like it's OK, but I do have to wonder about my attachment and dedication to something that you know I really do still hate to do. Is there something wrong with me that I haven't let myself get familiar with prime time programming? And that I'm still "too busy" to meditate regularly. My laundry piles up. I haven't opened my mail in 2 weeks even though I know there's a check in there. And sleep? I love to sleep... 9 hours or more a night to feel my best; but I'm still only managing to get 6 or 7, and that's when I'm not hit with insomnia.

I don't know. Maybe running has become an addiction. I was hoping this would happen.

Day 93: Gross Fatigue

For some reason Gordon wanted me to run 2-3 miles today. I've never trained the day after a big run so this was new for me; but Gordon knows what she's doing so of course I put my trust in her schedule. I was even nonchalant about it. Two miles? Piece of cake!

Well, boy, was I wrong. Two miles never felt so tough. Wait, that's not true - two miles felt this tough even 2 months ago - but I thought I'd graduated past that and wasn't going to feel miserable fatigue like that ever again. Argh!

Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on myself but I feel disappointed right now. I feel like I should have been stronger, more resilient, more robust. Why wouldn't my legs move? Why did my left hip hurt when it's always my right hip that hurts? Why did I get so red, so fast, and sweaty as if I'd been running at top speed for an hour? I just don't understand it.

I spent a long time stretching afterwards, and rolling around on the floor on a medicine ball type thing. No running again until Wednesday and I'm very glad for that. If for no other reason than that I don't want to feel this kind of disappointment again tomorrow! On Wednesday, though, I am going to make my come back. Until then...