I went to see Dr. Metzl about my toe today. He took three X-rays and gave me the bad news. Bad news because A) it's what I thought it was based on Googling so I really didn't need to shell out a $25 co-pay for the diagnosis, and 2) bad news because there's no treatment for what's wrong. I just have to wait it out.
I've torn the capsule around the second joint on my right big toe. The pain I felt in the rest of my leg was just my body's way of trying to get me to stop running on the toe. Nothing above the toe is actually injured. That's a relief.
The doctor said this is one of the few injuries you really can't run on, or do anything for, and you just have to wait it out - at least a couple of weeks. "A couple of weeks? What does that mean? Like two weeks? My intensive training programs start the last week in July!" I could feel myself starting to tear up! He wouldn't commit. He said I could try to run on it when I felt ready, but if I still had pain, not to push it or I'd just delay the healing process. In the meanwhile, I should bike and swim.
Bike and swim!? I've been thinking about biking and swimming because of all the triathlon talk I was exposed to two weekends ago, and the triathlon I'll be going to in 2 weeks to support Melissa at. But I made a very conscious decision not to take anything else new on right now... I've got so much on my plate between running, work and my family. I don't know when I get to have fun any more. Just fun. No agenda.
I even had this fantasy that I'd run the Marathon on Sunday, November 7th, and then take the day off from work on Monday and go with my sister and brother-in-law, who are avid bikers, to a neighborhood bike shop and get fitted for my first bike in 30 years. I'd treat myself to something small and light, with all kinds of accessories to make the ride comfortable. And a bell. I want a bell. Then I'd spend the next few heart-of-fall weekends riding up and down the Hudson, leaf peeping in Rockland County, maybe even riding the 38 miles up to Westchester to visit my mother and bring her a picnic from Zabar's. I'd wear jeans and a sweater, and one of those fancy "implode on impact" helmets I've heard about. (I'm pretty klutzy so it's likely there will be impact.) Biking was going to let me feel something new unfold. I was counting on that to keep me from falling into a pit of depression after the Marathon is over.
Maybe I'll go to the pool in the morning. I did buy two new bathing suits last week. And I guess I can start with the bike in the gym and just see how that goes. I was talking to my friend Cat tonight about all this and said I was afraid I'd lose enthusiasm for running. She said not to worry; if I lost it, I'd just have to get it back. Simple as that.
So, taking this new step in training one day at a time, appreciating it for what it is, and trusting that everything unfolds in perfect timing...
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