Day 49: Headquarters

I just ran 4 miles in 58:30! I need to use my weekends to try to up my distance and so had gone down to the gym with the intention of trying to run 4 miles in an hour, alternating walking and running every half mile. I started on the elliptical to warm up while I waited for a treadmill to be available. It wasn't long; just about 7 minutes. I'd worn my Flash Gordons so I'd have no excuses, brought water, stretched a bit, cued the iPod... hit start and cranked the time up to 60 minutes.

My first half mile on the treadmill was a little scary. Everything hurt and I couldn't comfortably increase my speed much above a 3.5 mph walking pace. The treadmill seemed to want to trip me up. I kept staring at my harried form in the mirror and listening to all my body parts barking ferociously. They had strong words for me today - concerns that they weren't afraid to voice. They seemed to be mobilizing and sending challenges and threats up to "headquarters."

"We are TIRED! You've gotta give us more sleep if you want us to do this kind of crap...And what about breakfast? Can we get something up in here, yo!? Coffee - we've told you this before - coffee is not breakfast. We need muffins! We want muffins!"

[unintelligible mumbling]

"...and eggs! We want eggs!"

[more unintelligible mumbling, then one clear voice over the crowd]

"Ask that bitch for bacon!"

[loud cheers]

"Yeah! We want bacon! Bacon and eggs, with buttered toast... and jam! Lots of Jam. Jam for the people! Jam for all! JAM! JAM! JAM! JAM! JAM! JAAAAAM! JAAAAAAAAAAAM!"

It got louder and louder and louder! This foot hurt. Could we stretch a hip for a second? Knees wanted a rub. Sweat everywhere, dripping down my face - wipe me, wipe me, wipe me! I could barely hear my music over the litany of complaints and now, their damn chanting for jam. It had to stop. I had to put my foot down! I was losing focus. I hadn't even walked a quarter of a mile yet! I was not going to fall off the wagon on day 49!

I reminded myself of General Patton's advice: the mind must control the body. The body will be tired morning, noon and night, he said. I tried to visualize my mind as a separate entity from my body - stronger, wiser, in charge. I put a wooden sign up over my head in my mind that read "Headquarters." Head - quarters. Get it? Next I built a barricade between Headquarters and the fray. The chanting, which had gone from "Jam! Jam! Jam!" now to, "Sauna! Sauna! Sauna!" felt a bit more distant. It was time to switch to running. Headquarters made an announcement over the loudspeaker,

"Good morning all. I acknowledge your concerns. We will be eating and resting later today, I assure you. You deserve what you request. Please know, however, that Headquarters has a strategy in place and you must all - without exception - shut up immediately and do as you are told. We are working towards a goal and I need every single one of you to step up and do your job. Now, on my signal, start running!"

I hit the speed button 13 times until the ground was moving at 4.8 mph and - lo and behold - everyone shut up and ran. It wasn't the easiest run I've ever had because I am actually tired today, and no breakfast - coffee and water probably aren't the best way to start a day of training - but we are a healthy body and we can stand sub par conditions from time to time.

By the end of the run, the fray had completely settled down. They were listening to the music I played over the sound system in the yard. There weren't any fights. I hardly had any trouble. And I finished in under an hour, which had been my arbitrarily projected time.

Headquarters then rewarded the body with a reasonable amount of stretching. You could hear them oohing and ahhing, a little. There was even a bit of kissing up, "More right there please, master... Thank you! You are so good to us! Me next, master!"

Now that the threat of revolution is over, and I've got the fray under control, I can go make breakfast. (Nobody's getting jam, by the way!) I think this analogy of Headquarters and fray works for me. It's almost like my body parts are randy, convicted felons living in a penitentiary yard and I've just got to manage them from my high tower. They're under control for now - not much threat of escape. I probably just need to keep an eye out for tunnels being burrowed secretly at night and distracting visitors who might put dreams of takeover into their mischievous minds! And now, at ease!