Sunday, June 6, 2010
153: 4 Mile FAIL!
Failblog.org has struck a chord in popular culture, and with me. I hear someone say FAIL at least once a day now and I have a sneaking suspicion that the catch phrase is about to take off exponentially. I fear we're not far from a press conference on Capitol Hill when we'll hear Mr. Obama drop the F bomb - the "new" F bomb that is - "FAIL!"
Today I took on the Japan Day 4 mile race and, by all counts, my performance was a total FAIL. I don't think I've ever been so mentally prepared to achieve a goal, and my goal was simple and achievable; but I failed anyway. I wanted to beat my previous best time for a 4 mile race. I aimed to shave off :25 per mile, but even if I'd beat it by a single second per mile, that would have been enough not to have failed. But I didn't even come close.
Excuses: It was 75 degrees out, with 79% humidity. I have an ugly gastrointestinal "disturbance" that has been plaguing me for a week and was particularly irritable in the hours before the race. I'm dehydrated (see gastro "disturbance"). The crowd moved like molasses in the first mile, which was both a hindrance and demotivating. By the end of the second mile, I was so far behind I'd never have been able to have caught up on my target pace. And finally, I haven't been training enough. Oh. Right. That.
By mile three I began weighing my exit options:
1) I could drop out entirely and walk to baggage and pick up my stuff.
2) I could run to the end and then do what I did so well in H.S. and for all 4 years of college and, "drop the class," so to speak just before grades would be posted! If I avoided crossing the finish line, I'd get the exercise, but my time wouldn't go down on my permanent record.
3) I could stay in the race and run to baggage and just not worry about my time, and let it go, and live in the truth of the situation - FAIL!
In the end, I decided I'd only be fooling myself if I hid the FAIL. I don't need to be perceived as a success all the time. In fact, maybe I need to be more upfront about my failures! Not just for the sake of fair reporting, but so I don't get caught up in my own little story here. This isn't easy. It's so much harder than I thought it would be. It's work like I've never known work. Maybe it wouldn't be for someone who liked running, or had a baseline fitness level higher than mine, or who was certifiably insane and enjoyed physical torture. But I'm none of those things and running in hot, humid air, with a body that's still significantly overweight, sucks.
So, I completed the race today and I'm proud of that; but my grade was definitely an F for FAIL. Going to sit with that as much as possible today and hopefully not lose the lesson. Nothing will move me forward except putting in the miles.
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MICHELLE! You get an A+ in my book, and you are a SUCCESS for being true to yourself and your goals and finishing what you started.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Julie. Success! Success! Success!!! So many other people in your "gastrointestinal" problematic state, wouldn't have even attempted going out of the house, much less run 4 miles. I particularly don't care for this FAIL business. Who needs it?
ReplyDeleteI congratulate you on your brilliant effort! Hooray for YOU!