OK, it's starting to sink in... What I do has an impact on the world. It's noticed. And it's contagious.
Thank you to the many, many people who have written me letters, called me, IMd me, yelled at me across busy stores to tell me that what I'm doing is inspiring. It's made me feel good. But what I'm realizing now is some of those people didn't just put on their shoes for a few days and let it die. Some of those people actually changed their lives because of me.
I've got friends who weren't running or thinking about running at all in November, and now, they are. One close friend has made a second career of training, and surpassed me in every way already - and as of this week, signed on with a charity and will be running the Marathon too. She sends me notes sometimes thanking me for inspiring her, or telling me she thought of me when she was running, or if she used one of my tricks for getting through.
Another friend - a new friend - checked in with me tonight and asked me to give her a push, because she was thinking of sitting on the couch and not going out. I pushed. When she was done, she reported back in and said, when she wanted to quit out there, she'd forced herself to continue, thinking of me, stuck at my desk, unable to run because it's fiscal year end and...I'm swamped. She ran for both of us tonight. And you know, there's something really beautiful in that.
Still a third friend, a friend I've been actively recruiting, actually called me last weekend to say she's ready to start thinking about doing it, and would I go out there with her and take it easy on her?
Being a role model, an inspiration, makes me feel useful and needed, and connected. I'm terribly flawed - maybe even flailing. So to be a teacher, and an influence, in spite of my bumbling humanity, it's really an honor. I'm still scared of the challenge I have ahead for myself but I know what I need to do to accomplish it. And now, I have the added incentive of knowing that if I can successfully carry on, I'll be doing more good in the world, that my bravery and my fortitude is contagious. It's good for the planet.
Because my natural tendency is to meander... and indulge... to succeed at something that requires discipline, and offers meager instant gratification, I believe I need structure. That's what got me through the first 6 months - Gordon's Half Marathon training schedule was my bible. Whatever I did, I didn't miss those miles... And I want to succeed now at training for the Marathon, so I need a new schedule.
The Nike schedule I've been using is no good for me. It's too hard! I can't run that much right now. I'm not in shape. It's discouraging. I'm always falling short and that doesn't feel good.
So, today I purchased an online training kit through the New York Road Runners. I bought the beginner's package, not for a second doubting that that was my level; but when I started to go through the weekly mileage, it seemed low... The long runs don't even start until the end of August. Now, I'm not sure if that's a good strategy for me to take - because it won't be overwhelming. Or, if I should be pushing myself harder, considering what I've accomplished already. I don't want to suffer on the day of the Marathon. I want to walk away smiling.
I wrote to the managers of the software and started a dialog, asking for their advice. The initial feedback was disappointing - just cut and pasted from the brochure copy. They said they'd be happy to switch me, since I wrote right away, but they didn't give any deeper information. This is a real puzzle because if I am going to get to the finish line, I am sure I need a program I can trust - and that I can keep up with. I will have to consult with some experts.
I was looking for inspiration - for motivation to keep going. I think I've found it in the knowledge that it really does matter what I do. It matters how I act in the world, how I treat people, how honest I am about everything - with myself and with the world, and it matters what I do with my life. My life right now is about work, and exercise, and relationships - including my relationship with myself. My life isn't about running; but running supports every single thing on that list, and never lets me down. When a run is over, it's always been a good experience. It's what's in the middle that still sometimes sort of sucks!
So if I can remember the contagious factor of doing something positive and worthwhile, and talking about it, then maybe I will stay motivated. I love seeing my friends get healthier, and feel excited. I love that we're all on this journey together, and exploring life, and feeling physically alive, and knowing new levels of intimacy through shared experience. I never thought that "infecting" people could feel so good!
No comments:
Post a Comment