Week One: The Mission

A week ago, on the day of the 40th NYC Marathon, I decided to take on what will surely be the biggest physical and emotional challenge of my life. I am going to train for next year's race.

I have always been, and am currently, a terrible runner; and I have never aspired to get any better. It just hurts too damn much. There never seems to be any progress and I'm not clear on the deliverable reward I should be expecting. The cracking knees, the burning arches, the achy hips and pounding heart... I have no ambivalence as I say this – I really hate to run.

There have been some critical shifts in my life in the last year, however, that have encouraged me to take a fresh look at all my choices, and now specifically, what the practice of running might bring to my life, in spite of all the very good reasons I have for hating and avoiding it categorically. In the last month, in particular, I’ve received encouragement to run from several important people in my life - friends, family, a doctor, and even a guy I started dating - who all really do have my best interest at heart. One of my great weaknesses over time has been thinking I know best and overlooking well-thought-out advice from loving friends and family. I’m trying now to pay attention.

My biggest obstacle might appear on the surface to be my current state of physical fitness which is, and I'm being generous when I say this, a zero. Training for the Marathon is going to require a massive and sustained shift in my behavior, and fast; 365 days might not even be enough time! But the bigger obstacle I'd argue is my powerful mind. How will I overcome a deep-seeded loathing for running, a disdain reinforced by years of rationalization? I will need to overcome it though, and learn to tolerate intense moments of miserable physical discomfort and self-doubt.

I decided to blog about my experience as a way to ground this thing I hate to do, in something that I love to do. I’ve kept a diary since the time I could hold a big fat red pencil; writing about my life is familiar and easy and where I feel competent. In H.S. I wasn't voted "most likely to succeed," or "best athlete;" I was voted "most likely to tell a story." Writing is a habit for me, so the hope is that, eventually, the energies will collide, and so too will running become a habit.

Those who have known me for a while and are familiar with my writing may be starting to wonder where my sense of humor has gone. This should tell you how important to me training for the Marathon is, that I am not joking about it. I actually waited a week to post because I was afraid I might have quit by now; but I haven't quit. I've been running, or cross-training, every day for a week, and I am determined to keep it up. I'm not saying I'll never write anything funny again but, I don't want to get lost in the words, or spend all day on a blog entry that's designed to impress you. It's the running I want to be proud of now. It's the experience of it - hard, easy, growth, setback - whatever it is, I want to be in that moment and the blog is here to keep me honest.

So to those who are already rooting for me, and believe in me, thank you very much; and to those who doubt this is something I will go through with, I understand your instinct but, I ask you to take me seriously regardless, take a leap of faith and lend me your support, because already... I am off!