Day Eighteen: Mousetraps

I don't snore, but insomnia and nightmares have plagued me most of my life; and this morning when the alarm rang it interrupted an extremely vivid nightmare. In it, I'd had two pet birds, but apparently I'd neglected them, forgotten to feed and water them entirely... and now they were dead on the floor of their cage and under siege by mice. To make the scene even more gruesome, some of the mice appeared to be dead too, "frozen" in place, with their mouths open, as if screaming, and with their front paws outstretched dramatically attempting to break into the cage to get at the bird meat.

In my youth I actually had a pair of birds (Max & Pom) who lived forever in a cage. I still feel incredibly guilty about this; so I couldn't help but think this dream must mean something... but what? Did the birds represent my inner child... or freedom...? The mice - were they my "doubts" about being able to accomplish this running goal... some now dead in their tracks, others alive and hungry for flesh? Or was I just having a reaction to the two bags of chips I consumed on the airplane last night?

I tend to really fall deep into the emotions of my dreams and sometimes it takes me hours to shake it all off. This morning, the last thing I wanted to do was get out of the bed, put clothes on, and be in Nature - with birds and mice potentially crossing my path! I took my time, though, trying to get psyched about my established big test - would I be able to run more gracefully to that magic tree past the stretching bridge? Not that enticing... I poured some iced coffee and opened the paper, checked email, brushed my hair, considered outfits for the day... the sun was rising out there; I'd better get a move on. Finally I dragged myself out the door.

I really can't underestimate the power of a good song to get you motivated. I know I'm not unusual in this way but I'm mentioning it mostly for my own sake - as a reminder. I think I need an "emergency mix tape" of songs that never fail to make me want to pick my feet up. (Taking song suggestions, by the way!)

I made it SHOCKINGLY easily to the stretching bridge and then right up through to the magic tree... on the wings of a song that I'm going to have to make my #1 go-to tune in emergencies. (See quote below.) I even felt tempted to keep running past the magic tree (because the song wasn't over!) but decided not to. Instead I walked to a traffic light or two, and then ran straight through to Bethesda Fountain (ah, a real landmark that you can judge me by - go ahead - judge me - I'm not afraid!). That second stretch was significantly harder and as I came down around the bend a familiar feeling washed over me - nausea. I tend to get sick to my stomach when I push too hard with exercise and once it starts, it's pretty hard to make it stop without completely lying down and elevating my feet. Since I hadn't eaten anything, I just told myself there was nothing to throw up, the end was in sight - finishing the small goal was more important than a non-life-threatening "feeling."

Made it to the Fountain, walked a traffic light or two, and then ran the rest of the way out of the Park. I can now clearly see the day when I might actually run this Lower Loop without stopping. Not next week or anything - well, who knows. I even noticed for the first time how the road also has a path north at 72nd Street - how have I missed this until now? I was so singularly focused that I it didn't even occur to me that the Lower Loop connected to other parts of the Park's running paths! There were options. I might not get bored of this...

Tomorrow I'll be taking my day off and I can honestly say I feel a bit sad about this. Running is grounding my days. I am seeing some improvement. The mice in my dream will just have to retreat because I'm going to revive those birds and set them free. You watch me!

Quote of the day, from the song I'll be playing as I run the last minute or so of the Marathon next year: "Success is my only motherf*cking option - failure's not."