I'm now officially freaking out. My head feels like it might explode. I go between palpitations and numbness. I can't sleep.
People say, "You're probably tired of hearing this, but you are an inspiration."
I don't feel like an inspiration. My experience of myself is that I spent a lot of time this past year doing something I did not enjoy doing. And I was obsessive about continuing at it. Is that inspirational or just plain psychotic?
And what exactly about what I did was inspirational? Was it that I went through some kind of transformation? Or that I stuck to a commitment? Or that I got some exercise when it's awfully tempting to plop on the couch and watch TV instead?
Isn't the true test of "inspiration" whether you've actually inspired anybody to take action in their life, in a way that applies to their specific goals and dreams? Sure, if your dream was to become a runner, and you started running, that fits. But if running isn't your dream, does my brand of "inspirational" transfer?
I am searching for some motivation to get me through to Sunday. I don't need to run the marathon to prove anything to myself. My lesson is learned! (Or is that just the fear talking?)
I just wanted you to know what is going on for me. I'm a wreck. I feel like I need a hundred long hugs and for somebody to wake me up from this nightmare that's about to happen. I know, there are going to be amazing moments and it'll be an experience of a lifetime; but I don't want to do it. Now you know.
Inspiration comes in all forms. An idea can be inspiring. You broke your bubble and challenged yourself. That alone is inspiring. So many people are stuck, fearful, trapped by their own selves and self images. Having the guts to strap on a pair of sneakers and going out for a run - doesn't seem inspirational in and of itself. However, setting a goal and seeing it through -- a goal you'd never dreamed of - is inspirational. Training long and hard, through injury, work, family, travel and any other life thing for a 26.2 mile run is amazing. Be proud of your bravery, trying something new, embracing challenges. You're a strong woman. Go forth and conquer. There's nothing you can't do. - Adam
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